I was supposed to be drink runner at work but they put me on the floor (thank God... I wouldn't have made any money as a drink runner) and I made $60. It was a good tip-wise night, but I had a bad section, didn't come in until 6pm and was the first person cut. If I would have been taking tables all day I would have made a loooot of money. This week has kind of sucked tip-wise, though, since I only worked 2 day shifts and then today. The total is down to $1395, not including whatever I made at the Suite Life on Friday. I work tomorrow morning... but if it's anything like the last Sunday morning I worked, I'll stand around for 2 hours and then go home without having a table.

I need to pick up a LOT of shifts this week. I want to work every day. I can't sit at home... being alone and not doing anything is torture. I have too much time to think. I feel better NOW than I did earlier, but that's most likely because I had other things to worry about while I was working.

Somehow the thought popped into my head at work... if I don't move I will constantly be hoping Jim unstupefies and wants to get back together with me. I don't WANT to hope this if it's not going to happen, but I will unless there is... no way he could get back together with me. So, basically, if I don't move, I will be a pathetic piece of crap who is waiting around for something that will probably never happen. I know myself well enough to know what I'll do, and I WILL do that. So... SOMETHING has to change from the current situation.

You know what else I feel like? Here's a list:
1. That the most wonderful thing in the world would be sitting in a warm room in a warm bath with my mind wiped completely clean
2. That, or being able to sleep for the next few months
3. I'm growing my hair out, but I'm afraid, because of the style it's cut in, that it will grow into a mullet. This is a really serious concern.
4. That my apartment complex should provide gate openers for us rather than making us buy our own for $25. And THEN, the place they tell us to go to was closed from today ar 2 until Monday. And she didn't tell us until after 2!
5. That I am going to have THE WORST BIRTHDAY EVER.
6. Even if I do move, I don't really know what to do with my stuff... how to get it there, how I'M going to travel, what to do with my car (other than sell it... but WHERE am I going to sell it?)... there is just so much to figure out
7. What I am going to do with the freaking ONE-WAY plane ticket I bought just 3 days before this happened...?

(One would say the answer to number 7 and number 6 lie in the fact that I DO have a one-way plane ticket (it's one way because I was going to go to Disney World with Jim and his family the day after Christmas :( ). However, ok, let's say I sell my car here and fly back to Ohio for Christmas before moving to NY.... what about my stuff? It would be SO expensive to ship it from LA to NYC. And then I'd have to buy another plane ticket to get there, or have some saint come and drive me, but why would anyone want to do that? BUT---if I drive back to Ohio to sell my car there, then just ship stuff from OH to NY... how am I supposed to afford the gas? And I can't drive across the country by myself. And then I have a plane ticket that will probably never be refunded. GOD DAMNIT, JIM!!! Seriously, could you have picked a WORSE time to do this? NO. If you were gonna break up with me, why didn't you just STAY broken up with me last month instead of letting me sign a year lease and buy a freaking plane ticket?!?!?! AAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! And if you could have waited the MONTH... couldn't you have just waited a few MORE months? Jeez.)

Clearly... I am pissed.

But I'm also sad. And worried. And nervous. And I wish I wasn't Alisa.... because despite how nice Alisa is, boys who are supposed to love her treat her like crap.