You guys want to know the complete truth?

Pretty much everything I've said since I moved back here about how I'm doing was solely to make myself feel better and to make everyone else feel like I was doing ok.

I'm not.

I don't think Jim is horrible. I don't think his life is going to be useless, that he'll never achieve anything... the fact is, I think Jim is perfect. As absurd as that sounds. Who brings a bookshelf to Huron, where he was for less than two months and living in a "room" made with bedsheets? Only Jim. Who can do ANYTHING you need him to? Jim. Who is the ONLY person I know that can CHALLENGE me in a million different ways to be better? Jim.

It's ALWAYS Jim... there might as well be nothing else because he's it for me.

I have had to FORCE myself to look past everything I loved about him. Or to tell myself repeatedly that what I loved was bad. I said it so many times that I almost believed it. I... don't know why I snapped out of it tonight.

This was really unexpected for me to do this. And I know everyone will try to tell me I'm only thinking of the Jim from 2003-early '04... but I'm not. He was ALWAYS it for me. I wouldn't have moved to California if he weren't and I wouldn't have HAD to move back here to get over this. I didn't know it was possible to miss one person so much. And I can't BELIEVE he doesn't feel the same way....