Today is the day I learned a lot from celebrity examples.

My main man Bono is one of Time's People of the Year. You know why? Because he is awesome.

I couldn't work AGAIN yesterday, but it was partly my fault. I had no idea that the traffic would be as bad as it was at that time of day yesterday... it took me 5 minutes just to be able to get to the light to turn into our parking lot. I was 7 minutes late for work and they had already given away my section. No one wanted to go home (they never do), so I just left and drove back home all day.

I REALLY want to see Narnia but no one can ever go when I can go and I can't go when they can go. I almost just decided to see it alone, but it's a movie I'd rather NOT see alone... so... I didn't.

Since I was still kind of down yesterday I watched the only movie I knew would help, Legally Blonde.

Did anyone see that spelling bee skit on SNL last night? God, that was funny. I also liked the Narnia rap. It was so well written!

I think I'm past my trauma from the other night, now... it's still kind of haunting me, though. Jim's mom had a good point... since he broke up with me and checked out of the relationship way before I did (who knows how long), he's had that much extra time to get past it. And now, as horrible as this is going to sound, I sort of hope he checked out a REALLY LONG time ago (like... a year), and that he is just now, after all this time, ready to start dating again. That still would suck though because it would be like I was dating someone who wasn't there. And now that I think about it, that's exactly what was going on.

I knew something was wrong when Nino grabbed me by the collar that one time at work and when I told Jim and was sobbing uncontrollably, he didn't do ANYTHING. He didn't even get out of his computer chair or TURN AROUND. All he said was "I'm sorry. You should get him fired." Meanwhile, all the GAY guys at work are threatening to beat him up... but my own boyfriend acted as though nothing had happened.

So... maybe I am right. Maybe he did check out a long time ago. I just wish I wouldn't have pushed him, then. I wish I would have KNOWN about this at the time so that I could concede the point and NOT be under the impression that everything was actually ok and he was just... dehydrated.

I still kind of think things could be fixed, even NOW, if we tried. It's like when you work out all the time. The more muscular and the stronger you are at the beginning, the easier it is to rebuild the muscles when you get out of shape for whatever reason. I think Ms. Petersen-Fitts would refer to that as "muscle memory." Jim and I had such an amazing base to build on... sure that horrible tornado came and destroyed the house but I think, if we both would have tried, it could have been rebuilt.

It just seems as though one of us lost his building supplies.

Anyway, I'm not mad at him... it SUCKS, but what could I possibly be mad at? He didn't really do anything. I'm sure the reason for my sadness is rooted in the fact that I had NO IDEA that things were as bad for him as they were. But I'm an optimist... and very naive... I never think things are as bad as they are.