Man, I am so awesome to be at home alone at 10pm on a Friday night.

Here's my series of lists:

Top 5 Songs of 2005
1. "Shiver" by Coldplay
2. "The Fly" by U2
3. Kelly Clarkson's entire "Breakaway" album
4. "Airbag" by Radiohead
5. "Mr. Brightside" by the Killers

Top 5 Best Movies I've Seen in 2005 (did not have to come out this year)
1. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
2. Legally Blonde
3. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
4. Star Wars episode three
5. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Top 5 "Funniest People Ever" of 2005
1. Ryan Totman
2. Brandon Lee
3. Erin McCarthy
4. Ed McBride
5. Joe Vilone
(honorable mention: Danny Gilmore... he would have been higher, but it's not like we ever got to hang out all that much)

Top 5 "That's the best thing I've ever seen in my life" Moments of 2005
1. The U2 concert
2. Ryan pouring that bottle of red wine all over himself
3. Pedro dancing with me in the kitchen
4. The view from level 8 of the Grove's parking structure
5. When JD flicked off that baby who was staring at us at work

Top 5 "Thank God I Met Them" People of the Year
1. Anderson Dantas
2. Erin McCarthy
3. Joe Vilone
4. Ed McBride
5. Pedro Ruiz
(Honorable mention goes to Steve Simpson and Cameron Church)

Top 5 Things I Miss Most About LA:
1. I
2. miss
3. everything
4. about
5. Los Angeles

Top 5 Ladies of the Year
1. Alison Show
2. Meredith Cordray
3. Anne Gilmore
4. Karen Beljan
5. Christy Reynolds


I was just reading every entry from this year to look for good/bad day lists... and although it's great to have this convenient log of my life, occasionally you come across something that just makes you want to die.

From Wednesday Feb. 2, 2005
Well, last night was weird... but it ended up ok. After about 2 hours of fighting, Jim called at like 11 and we got doughnuts. I like doughnuts. We agreed that neither of us like fighting and he finally said the ONE THING I needed him to say,
"I don't want to lose you.... ever." None of that "I am not opposed to staying with her for an indefinite amount of time" stuff. That made me happy.

Too bad he forgot about that.

I know, I know...

Colleen told me the other night, "everytime I meet someone who knows Jim Gilmore they refer to him as 'a douche bag.' Danielle, Finn..." And it's true, in the non-literal sense... and so WHY am I still like this? Probably because his birthday starts in an hour and a half and I'm sitting here, reminiscing about the last year, alone. BUT... the weirdest thing about this WHOLE situation is that, on the whole, I get over things REALLY fast. I give myself time limits for whatever is wrong, and I GET OVER THEM. The only time I fail to get over them... are when they aren't really over.

But he says it's over... his mom says it's over... *I* said it was over. Sooo... one of two things needs to happen. My heart needs to catch up with my head... or Jim needs to realize he's the stupidest person on earth for letting me go.



I know just because the year will change, nothing else will... but it still gives me some sort of release. I don't even know why. In 2006 I'm still going to be alone, boring and sad. I don't like thinking of years as "shifts"... "I can't wait for this year to be over,"--as if it would make a difference.

I just seem like I'm getting WORSE with each passing day, don't I?

The only good thing for me about the new year is that it will be a new DAY and each DAY brings me closer to school starting and actually getting to do something with myself. This semester I want to do really well in theatre history and maybe actually GO to my LER. I want to be the best jack's mom ever and I want to not put off finding an accompanist until the DAY of juries. I want to get cast in something GOOD this summer and, at some point this year, I want to play a good, appropriate role. I want to work out 5 days a week, running 20 miles a week. I want to take a ceramics class this year. I somehow want to have the time to take sign language AND the philosophy classes for my final LERs. I want to get baptized. I want to find a non-crazy church.

I want to finally be happy again.



I'm closing tomorrow night at work so I probably won't update again until this phenomenal "new year" starts.

If Jimmy ever reads this post, I hope you had a really nice birthday and I'm really very sorry that I couldn't tell you that in person. I don't regret moving to LA for you. I regret leaving.

Happy New Year, everyone.