I LOVE Christmas! I went in to Starbucks today and it was all decked out... and they brought back the peppermint frappuncinos... :) I think I just like themes, though. I like any holiday where people act differently than normal. I'd say I wish it were Halloween, Valentine's Day or Christmas ALL the time, but then you'd never notice the difference.

I have two girls coming by to look at the apartment today. They both SEEM pretty nice (based on the little I know about either of them).

Last night I was packing and getting rid of stuff in my room and it literally made me sick to my stomach. I HATE to do this. I would give anything in the world to have this whole situation not be real.

I think dix huit is coming in on Monday night. I'll show her around LA on Tuesday and then we'll either leave that evening or on Wednesday morning. The only perk to leaving on Wednesday is one less night in a hotel. Maybe I'll just show her around with all my stuff in my car so we can leave directly from... showing her around. This is one of the nicest things anyone's ever done for me. I hope she has a good time. PS - Miss Huit, if you want to bring any CDs for the ride, feel free. :)

I've done so much growing up over the last year. Mostly the last month, though. It's funny... because I thought I understood stuff before, but I realize I had no idea what it's like to feel so trapped and hopeless and start climbing your way out of it. I really feel like I understand the bitterness people can have for so long and why they would want to protect someone from it. I also now know what it's like when you think you're totally alone only to "discover" the people who have ALWAYS been there. I have so many freaking friends, I have God, I have my amazing family... and somehow I was able to look past everyone because I was so sad. I don't think I was ever qualified to give advice to anyone about ANYTHING until now. It's good and kind of horrible at the same time.

I guess it's just unfortunate that you can't find these things out until you experience something as life-shattering/heart breaking as this.

I'm still crazy, though.

Anyway, I gotta go buy some light bulbs... I'll write later...