I think it's really possible that Dix Huit has made me the happiest girl on earth.



There are NO WORDS to describe my feelings towards your cornrows, Dix Huit. It's after 4am and I actually have to wake up tomorrow.... but I had this feeling that I needed to get online for a couple of minutes.... and I was so right. I've never been MORE right.

This is truly the best thing I've ever seen. Period.

The Indians suck so bad this year. Yes, I am talking about the baseball team and not... you know... Native Americans. I can't believe it's been almost 10 year since they were in the world series. I will NEVER forget game 7 for as long as I live. I already hated Jose Mesa with all of my soul, and I remember sitting alone on my parents' bed watching the TV and just CRYING and screaming "WHY DID THEY BRING HIM IN!?!?!?!" and then I cried even more when he completely threw the game. Last year Jim put Jose Mesa on his fantasy baseball team and I swear to God I almost broke up with him that day. He did it just to annoy me. I probably just should have done it. And what an awesome story that would be later, right? "Awwww, why'd you break up?" "He put Jose Mesa on his fantasy baseball team." "That BASTARD!!!!"

I am in love with the dollar menu at Wendy's. It's just so thoughtful of them... it's like a personal gift to me.

We did some laundry today and then I did some packing. It feels like I brought a LOT more into this house when I came in... but apparently not. I'm re-reading Harry Potter 5 right now because... well... I don't know. I just am. I told my mom about how afraid I am for all of the characters in book 7. I don't want ANYONE to die... well, unless it's Umbridge or Lucius Malfoy (but not Draco) and obviously Voldemort. I'm really afraid for Neville and Hagrid, though... I could see one of them sacrificing themselves. I don't want it to happen.

So, starting Monday I really don't know what the frequency of posts is going to be like. I'm going to be sort of busy for once. Plus, I'm not going to have a computer so I'll have to rely on the rec center and computer labs to get online. I know everyone is really terribly sad over this... but be strong. It WILL be okay.

(And the chances are high that I'll update pretty frequently anyway. Lack of a computer never stopped me before.)

So, I was laying on the floor finishing the nightly situps and about to go to bed when I realized something. This is going to sound really mean, but I haven't realized anything amazing in a couple of days so just... hold on. I am really sick of being happy for other people.

What I would LIKE is to be happy for myself.

I am tired of responding with "if it couldn't be me, I'm glad it was you"---and NOT just in the situation some of you are thinking of. Yes, they're my friends and yes, I AM happy for them (usually) but come ON, here. I work hard (when I care), I'm talented, I'm smart and funny and I'm not like... hideous. I'm even easy to work and get along with! I don't want to be happy for everyone else! If it continues I won't be happy at all anymore!

I hate that I can always find the silver lining. I HATE IT. I know it's a good quality to have and I end up defending people who don't even deserve it which I guess is the "right thing to do" and all... but you know what? One day I am just going to get angry. Even angrier than MySpace Alisa. Someday something is going to happen, despite my working as hard as possible, and I am just NOT going to be ok with it. I'm going to revel in the fact that I am not okay with [this hypothetical situation] and dance in the darkness of my pain. And I'll admit all the things I think about sending in to post secret and all of my FEELINGS and views and opinions and I'll be throwing sandwiches and ripping up photographs and people are gonna be like "WHAT HAPPENED to Alisa?!?!?" and others will say "She had enough."

Because I am TIRED of taking all the responsibility... sometimes other people make the wrong choice but I sit here and I defend them and blame it on myself or I try to find out how *I* went wrong. <----And it probably *IS* my fault! See?!?! I can't even do it in my hypothetical blog situation.

I just want to be irrationally mad about something someday and for no one to tell me otherwise and for me to not see how it could possibly be fair or appropriate under any circumstances. THAT is what I want.

And I DO want to get married some day. Some day far away. But kids?? I just DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Dames at Sea" has gotten very good reviews so far. When I went to read more of them I found this very handy-dandy rehearsal/show report blog which made me laugh a LOT. I love reading rehearsal reports, especially when the stage manager includes ALL information... like when my mom fell and broke her ankle at ITW... that was definitely in the report the next day. And when that old lady walked out of the show because Chris was being "unprofessional" by talking to the audience AS THE NARRATOR of the show. I wish I could meet that lady. She sounds amazing. Amazingly STUPID. :)

We went to see "The Davinci Code" today. Even though I hadn't read the book, I knew the basic premise and I GUESSED the identity of the blood line pretty early on... but I still liked it. It reminded me of "Dogma" which is another awesome movie. I am obviously aware that it's not a true story... but I wouldn't be at all surprised if there was a massive church cover up and Jesus and Mary Magdalene were married. Not that I am saying they WERE... ;) (Like I would know... the world may never know.)

Since I have to learn JCS without a piano I've been listening to the CD a lot. The music is not at all hard, but it is really... funny. (By "funny" I mean "very 1970s" with its "hey cool it, man" and whatnot.) I really like Carl Anderson as Judas (he makes it sound so effortless) and I LOVE the electric guitar. I guess that's good since it's a rock... opera. My sister and I have differing opinions on the electric guitar in musical theatre. She thinks there is no place for it (especially in the title song of The Phantom of the Opera) whereas *I* think there should be WAY MORE OF IT. I think there should be an electric guitar in EVERY pit orchestra and that it should play the melody along with the singer... hahaha. That'd be awesome. Can you imagine how much better "Annie Get Your Gun" would be with an electric guitar?? Anyway, I really HATE Yvonne Elliman on this recording. She slides literally every note and I just want to shake her and scream "THAT IS NOT HOW YOU SING!!!!!" Apparently it's how SHE sings... but it shouldn't be. She sounds like crap.

I can't believe I have to pack tomorrow. I am actually going to miss this boring town. Well, really, I am going to miss the lake. I wish Porthouse was on the lake.

Anything in the "I love the..." series on Vh1 is dangerous if you want to accomplish anything in your day. Fortunately for me and my mom, our lives are pretty boring, so we could put off going to the store until we saw that the hoolahoop was the #1 toy on their list.

I have got this killer headache. It feels like a lack of caffeine headache, but I've definitely had caffeine today. I started getting all shaky in the car, though. I tell you, caffeine is like heroin... I guess. I only really know the effects of heroin based on the movie "Ray"... and they're not exactly the same as caffeine. Still. This sucks.

I am having a financial aid CRISIS and my aid adviser at kent is on vacation until the fifth!!! I am really... not happy about this. I'm considering going to TK now but I really don't want to just yet. I wanted to see if I could fix things by myself with the adviser first... because I'm kind of thinking it's a mistake. I'm scared. I NEED to finish school next year... there is NO OTHER CHOICE... but if I can't get my financial aid then... I can't go. Do you see why I am scared??

Alright, I really have nothing to talk about tonight. Creating the pictures of Dix-Huit with cornrows yesterday took it all out of me...

Ok, so I am partially double jointed but it is mostly in my fingers and hips. It's nothing exciting or particularly gross... I can't do that freaky inverted elbow thing that Colleen does, but I DO have my own special brand of horrible thumb popping and pinky finger dancing.

Last night there was this HUGE storm that lasted for hours. There was so much lightning that I started to take pictures. Now, I need you to keep in mind that these are from my CELL PHONE and it was in the middle of the night, so the fact that I got a picture of anything is amazing.



After about an hour of me trying to get better pictures than this I got a really horrible headache and then I said to myself "Why on earth are you pressing your hand against a window, while holding a metal, electronic device, in the middle of a lightning storm? Don't you think this is testing fate just a LITTLE?"

The power went off several times and I started to get really bored so I was admiring my hand-model worthy hands which is how I discovered some more double jointed finger things I never noticed before.

I love "The Daily Show" but it is just so depressing. I wish congress could get ANYTHING done. Mike DeWine's (one of Ohio's senators... the one I am going to oust from office) approval rating is -8% and he is rated #97 out of 100. HAHAHA, Mike DeWine. You obviously suck. If it weren't for the fact that people vote of the incumbent 98% of the time (no matter what), my job would be a lot easier.

Today is June 22, 2006. You know what THAT means???

Dix-huit est vingt-quatre!


Happy Birthday, Dix Huit!!!!!!!!!!!

She's in Cancun (I think) until Sunday, but she had BETTER come back with cornrows!!!!!!!!!!

EDIT: Jenni and my idea of what Dix Huit would look like in cornrows...

Surveys are more fun than being depressed! (real update at the end)

Stolen from Alison

Secret passion: Patti Lupone... hahaha

Deepest fear: Vocal nodes/throat cancer/anything that would prevent me from singing.

Biggest accomplishment: Oh... I don't know. Going back to school, I guess (although it's not much of an accomplishment... I shouldn't have left in the first place.)

Biggest failure: The slippery slope to bad credit that started with my car accident.

Highest education: I am going to be entering my 8th semester of college.

Current job: actor. Starting next week anyway.

Location: Ohio. Could it be any worse than Ohio?

Dorkiest Attribute: I guess musical theatre is pretty dorky to people who can't do it.

Favorite cuisine: Italian. But not real Italian... "American" Italian.

Unhealthy preoccupation: GOOGLE.

Most embarrassing memory: I really can't even think of one. I've probably blocked anything really embarrassing out.

Pet peeve: Bad grammar.

Biggest procrastination: Waking up... I try to talk myself out of getting up every morning.

Who people say I look like: Ally Sheedy.

Favorite pastime: I'd rather be in performance than do anything else, ever.

Fondest memory: the huron playhouse and every single thing that happened there.

Fear of flying? Not anymore. I used to be afraid of take off, but since I've done it literally about 50 times in the last 3 years I've kind of gotten over it.

Fear of Dying? Oh yes.

Fear of Heights? If my eyes are open.

Fear of Bugs? I hate bugs.

My Hero(s): Jesus, Abigail and John Adams.

Dream Job: Well the BEST thing would be carrying a Broadway show. Not just being in the chorus or supporting... I'm talking CARRYING the show.

Preferred way to die: Something similar to how they all die in Narnia... where they didn't even know it happened.

Person you miss the most: I miss a lot of people... I'm not sure I could pick out one that I miss most above all others.

Biggest regret: Not going to my Godspell callback in 2004... TK probably would have been able to talk me into staying if I would have done that show.

Funniest person I Know: I could NEVER name just one.... although I'm tempted to say it was Brandon Lee.

Dream vacation: Western Europe, Hawaii, Africa, New Zealand... I really like travel. I want to do more of it.

Dream Car: A light blue convertible new beetle. I will never own this car because A. I don't want to have ANY car and B. If I get any older than 26 I'd look stupid driving it.

What I wish I were better at: dance.

Who I'm jealous of: Steve Parsons, Ali Shondel.

Who encourages me the most: My parents and my sister, Bryan Guffey.

Who I trust more than anyone: I trust everyone.. probably way too much.

One thing I want to accomplish before I die: Make a difference in someone's life... in a good way.

Person you wish were with you right now: Jim

Thing I hate the most about my body: I'm not as... graceful... as I would like to be.

Ideal Weight: You know, I don't even know how much I weigh now. I haven't weighed myself in YEARS. I care more about being in the best shape for ME than the actual weight.

Favorite book: The Complete Chronicles of Narnia... followed by Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

Could you handle winning the lottery: Could I HANDLE it? Of course I could handle it. I think I would really enjoy it, too.

Could you handle gaining 50 lbs: no... even despite what I said above. THAT would not be "in the best shape possible."

Favorite movie (only one please): The Little Mermaid

Something I do daily (this cannot include bodily functions): drink some kind of caffeine.

Where you’d like to live one day: NYC and Boston... and maybe London. And Disney World.

Wants kids? I don't know. They'd probably like living in Disney World but I doubt they'd like all the OTHER moving I'd want to do.

Friend you would not trade for the world: What? I wouldn't trade ANY of them for anything.

Favorite song: (of all time) "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel

Favorite website: THIS ONE, right here baby!!!

I didn't really do anything today... it's been raining most of the time. I started to watch that movie "Blank Check" but then I didn't want to find out how it ended so I turned it off. Tomorrow though... I might go to the MALL. Oooooooooooh.

Only 3 people that I tagged did that music song survey thing. Charlie, seriously, it made my entire day yesterday when I read your xanga and saw that you DO still read this sometimes. I miss you guys so much and please, please tell your parents I said hi.

Only 5 days till Porthouse move in. I'll miss my parents and kitty but I am really excited to see everyone.. and work out all the time.

Awwww. I went to the HP. I was so nervous for some reason. RIDICULOUSLY nervous... like, I walked inside and then got so scared that i walked right back out the door. I never did have my conversation with Geoff, either. Heather and Jim Williams walked me upstairs and then I saw Jess and Greg and it was just like... the conversation was never going to happen and I knew it. Kevin is back this year, too. Kerry made me sit in on a little of the 1776 rehearsal which was fun. I was really happy because Shaina is playing Martha Jefferson, which is the role I was hoping they would cast her in. She sounded FANTASTIC. I am definitely going to go see this production... whether or not anyone comes with me!!! (Although, I want people to come with me.) I miss that place. If there's two things I should be a spokesperson for, they're the Huron Playhouse and Lipton iced tea. I am just so enthusiastic about both of them.

Now for this nervousness.... I got really nervous when I went back to Kent, too. Bryan will probably remember this more than anyone else since he was the first person I saw there. I think I just realized why it happens... I have SO MANY good memories from some places that it's almost... painful. Like at Huron... for some reason that summer I was "the pretty girl." That had never happened to me before OR AFTER Huron.... but there I was pretty. And I will probably never get attention like that ever again. Whenever I go to see a show there I feel like *I* have to live up to who I was there and that the place has to, also. It's always the same, though. Kent was the same and Huron is the same (with some different people). This isn't coming across the way I want it to... Ok... it's like this. Say you admire... someone famous. You get this idea of what they would be like in person... how nice they would be to fans and stuff, whatever. One day you get to actually meet them and they don't live up to ANY of your expectations.... and you wish you had never done it because it ruined the image from your mind. THAT is why I get so nervous lately. I'm too afraid of being disappointed. I'm afraid of something happening that would overshadow everything good that I remember.

And I mean, that's CRAZY... I usually forget the bad details of things anyway... I just want SO BADLY to be happy that I seem to not want to even take the risk anymore. I'm playing it way too safe. It's like... I'd rather NOT GET HURT again than do... anything... apparently. Even if said "anything" could make me happy.

Wow, I am so much more messed up from this than even *I* realized.

At least I KNOW IT, though. At least I am not denying that I am messed up and have some serious issues, now. God, I feel bad for the next person who dates me. They're gonna have a real mess on their hands. I have now officially scared any blog readers who may have wanted to date me away.

You know, the first time I read Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (HP5!) I was so mad at Harry in it. He's terrible. He's mean and moody and I couldn't understand why she would write him like that.... but I do now. I know a lot of people think what I have been going through isn't a very big deal... that it's not the same as a divorce or a death and it can't possibly be that bad. This is the first REAL loss I've ever had. I have never been so sad for so long and I have definitely never been afraid of taking a risk... but I still am sad. I'm sad and I'm angry and I think about it ALL THE TIME.... and I have to deny it just as much as I think about it. I don't even know which is worse---the mask or the fact that I HAVE to wear it.

This is why I got a full sore on my "Way of the World" essay.

I truly believe right now that I will never be better... I'll pretend I'm ok and you may observe me being happy at times (and that is a step up from the pre-February stage where I was seemingly unable to feel ANY kind of happiness) but completely "better" just feels... impossible. I feel like something is going to have to happen or CHANGE for me to reach that point... but I have no idea what it is or how/if it will happen.

Happy Tuesday, everyone!

However, I need to think about the future. And my future hopefully includes roles where you can't be overweight. Like... uh.... well, I'm sure there's at least one. Anyway, I also need to play off my childlikeness (cough, immaturity, cough) for as long as possible so... what I'm saying here is that I don't know how long my metabolism will be high and I don't want to get fat. The other day I said to myself "What do you want, Alisa? This piece of pie or to be on Broadway?" At the time it was the pie. But this question, which I will ask myself before indulging from NOW ON, should help in my goals... or something.

My dad told me today that we had the option of going out to the islands, going to a movie or staying in a watching video on demand movies all day. As I sit in all day and watch video on demand ALL THE TIME, I obviously wanted the other two choices with my top choice being the islands. Guess what? I'm here right now. My parents chose the sitting in. Boo.

Tomorrow I am going to visit the Huron Playhouse for ONE REASON..... to continue this conversation I was having with Geoff at the post-Dames at Sea party. It's not like I'm against the Playhouse, but I am scared to go... I don't like to answer questions like "Who are you?" and "Why are you here?" He told me to come to lunch one of these days, though... and as we all know, it's not like I have anything else to do. I just hope he REMEMBERS that I'm coming, because he was sort of consuming alcohol during the original conversation. There's a pretty big chance that he forgot.... but I REALLY want to continue the conversation and he'll be leaving Porthouse shortly after I arrive so it's not like we have all the time in the world in Kent. Anyway, so I'm going there at noon and I am frightened.

I bought a diary from Meijer for like a dollar. I will use it so that future generations can see how I am progressively getting worse in "the healing process" rather than better.

~The Musical Survey~
What's your favorite musical? "The Last Five Years", "Into the Woods", "Kiss Me, Kate" and "Hair"
What's your favorite show tune? Oh... I don't know... they change all the time
Who's your favorite Broadway actor/actress? PATTI LUPONE AND JENNIFER HOLLIDAY!! :)
What musical do you HATE? "Dames at Sea"

Now we'll get to your musical self!
Are you an actor/actress? Yes... I think
Do you WANT to be and actor/actress? Yes
What was your favorite show you've been in? "Rocky Horror"
What was your most recent show you were in? Violet
Have you ever been in Les Miserables? No
Have you ever been in The Music Man? Yes
Do you know and like the shows above? Les Mis is ok, and I really DO like the Music Man a lot.
What is your dream role? Cathy in L5Y
Do you want to be known as a singer who acts, or an actor who sings? The latter
What is your vocal range? E below middle C to E above high C
Have you ever worn a wig for a performance? Only as Fruma Sarah, which is kind of surprising
Have you ever fallen of a stage? Yes, but now during a show
Do you take any classes that have to do with voice or dancing? Yes, as it is my major
What age did you start in the theatre buisness? 13
jazz shoes or jazz boots? I HATE jazz boots
theatre or theater? theatre
What is your level in dancing, like beginner-advanced? beginning intermediate level
Have you ever heard of Idina Menzel? Yes
Have you ever heard of Craig Shulman? Haha... no


So, I'm back here after leaving for a while. I went to see "Dames at Sea" at Porthouse and it was a great production of a show that I hate. Everyone was very talented and it was directed well and it was entertaining... but my God, that show is the worst thing in musical theatre. I mean, "Anything Goes" and "42nd Street" are fine by themselves... why combine them into one ridiculously stupid "new" musical? Anyway, after that I stuck around for the opening night party and got to see a lot of my friends. I was very happy that Ben and Ernie were there. I talked to Jessica Baudry for a long time about the "female image" which was fun. I ALSO got to sleep in my future temporary apartment. Oooooooh...

The next day my sister and I moved Christine's furniture into a Uhaul and then into my grandma's house. I hate moving. I think I've talked about this before. I always get so mad and start yelling at people. Jen left shortly after for a wedding and I took a nap and spent the night at my grandma's. Now I am back here and it is FATHER'S DAY! Happy Father's Day to all the dads, including MY dad.

Shortly after Jessie and Ali became Porthouse roommates, Jessie tried to give Ali this model horse thing as a "peace offering" because she was afraid Ali hated her and she wanted them to be friends. I have NO IDEA why she thought Ali hated her, but to me, the thought of Jessie giving Ali this horse is... hysterical.

The whole Huron company arrived today.... not that I was there or anything, but i was aware that it was happening. Huron Playhouse time is different from all other time... it's like Narnia. A day is like a week and a week is like a month, SERIOUSLY. The time I spent at the Huron Playhouse feels like at least 3-4 months, but it was only a month and a half. Things will happen in the morning and you'll think they happened a couple of days ago by the end of the night. I loved it there. I mean, it sucked and I was so tired all the time, but I have NEVER had more fun.

This summer HAS to be more fun, though. I mean... it just has to. It has to for my SANITY. Something has to top the summer of 2003.... it seems unfair that my best memory is something I am trying so desperately to get over.

Anyway, I've been having a lot of trouble lately deciding when I should and should not censor myself. I have so much to talk about and so many things running through my mind right now... I can't wait until I see people everyday so I don't THINK about them all the time. That's the problem with me... I don't really solve my problems---I forget about them. Out of sight, out of mind you know. It's obviously only a temporary solution as they clearly come back to haunt me... but it's better than nothing.

I'm going to see "Dames at Sea" tomorrow night. I'm excited. I'm EXTRA excited since I have a great seat in the center section, third row..... ooooooh. Ali, you should totally wave to me. I hope it's not cold again... it seems like it's ALWAYS cold when I see a show at Porthouse. Since Porthouse is an outdoor theatre, this makes things miserable.

Yesterday we went to Red Lobster. I don't eat food of the sea, but they have chicken, so it was ok. We also went on a midnight trip to Wal-mart and I got SOCKS!

I finally got my JCS score in the mail. I am now even more excited... although a little... confused. I mean, I wish they would tell you which part you are singing and any solo lines or something. Based on the other girls in the ensemble I am thinking I'll be singing soprano, but then again half the time I HAVE to sing alto so I just don't know. I think I'd actually rather sing alto for this show... anyway, it sucks since I have to learn BOTH parts and any kind of solo line just in case. I'm sure a lot of people feel this way about this...

Today we went to this little olde-timey... soda shoppe place in vermilion. I got a black cow (which is chocolate ice cream and rootbeer) and a cheeseburger. It was really good. It had all those olde-timey drinks and stuff. I kept thinking how it would be a great place to go on a date... but then I remembered, OH YEAH, I don't have a boyfriend.

Then we went to Marblehead and the lighthouse. I took cell phone pictures. HOORAY!


This is... the sea.


Here is the sea facing west (you can't see it in the picture, but there was a cool house and put-in-bay island in the distance)


The mighty waves of Lake Erie crash onto the rocks!!!


More mighty waves... and a "mysterious" shadow...


Jen took this picture of me. I had NO IDEA she was taking it!!!


The lighthouse


Another pseudo-art picture I had Jen take of me where I pretended I didn't know she was taking it... despite the obvious pose. I look really tan.


These people actually didn't know they were having their picture taken... but I wasn't trying to get a picture of them. I was TRYING to get a picture of Cedar Point because you could see it really well with your eyes... though not with the camera phone.

I THOUGHT we were going to Prehistoric Forest and I REALLY thought we were going to the African Safari Wildlife Park, but neither of those things happened and I was so distraught I refused to sing the Star Spangled Banner no matter how much Jen asked me to. Instead we went through a car wash... and I admit, car washes ARE fun, but they're no African Safari...

So, my brother's new band The New Civil War Adventure Band is playing up here on Father's Day for my dad, and I really need to go to this because it is bound to be really funny, but I am also sad because I'm going to miss Colleen's party. Boo. I like Colleen a lot and this is just... a shame.

And finally, I will leave you with a video of the 1982 Tonys performance from "Dreamgirls." Jennifer Holliday is so AWESOME in this that words can't even describe it. If nothing else, you MUST watch the last half... although I really think you should watch it all. She is AMAZING.

Listen, if you never got to see Al Gore on SNL a couple of weeks ago, the opening transcript is here, and I suggest you read it because it is very funny and very... depressing. It's based on the alternate universe where he WAS elected president.

I've been thinking a lot about global warming lately, and I haven't even seen that movie (although I really want to). Once again it seems funny that this was something I remember learning about in KINDERGARTEN but we have a VP who is like "there's nothing wrong." I feel insulted that he's apparently old and bitter and doesn't care enough about the people who have to deal with the consequences of his actions. That's just mean.

I didn't know why the middle east didn't want peace so I found out... and now I KNOW, but I just don't... get it.

My mom and I went to Kent yesterday to get my sister. She's still asleep. It's like almost 2:30 and she's still asleep. My grandma had a tough weekend and almost burnt down her house. Luckily she didn't.

I really want to sing "Je Cherche un Millionaire" for my last foreign language piece in voice next year but I sure can't find the music.

I should really be in bed but I had this tiramisu and it's just keeping me awake.

Yes, I do realize that saying I am mildly obsessed with Patti LuPone MAY be the gayest thing I've ever said.

WHY I didn't mention this before I don't know. My friend Brandon... works on the TONY AWARD winning Broadway show, The Pajama Game. Got that? Tony Award. That's awesome.

And finally, I wrote Jason Robert Brown about this song "In This Room" and he responded on his webpage. This is somewhat embarrassing... mainly because I feel like a total fangirl now. However, he's, you know, pretty much my favorite composer, so it's also a little cool.

God Bless You Tube for giving me access to many of my favorite broadway bootlegs including the heartbreaking "Color and Light" (from SITPWG...and not a bootleg...), "The Schmuel Song"!!!!! and "Climbing Uphill" from L5Y, "Here I Am" (and many more) from DRS, and although there are a TON from Wicked, this was my favorite... Norbert's last show and the "As Long as You're Mine" duet. I totally forgot that I loved that song... in fact, I forgot that it even existed. I may or may not have lost my Wicked CD about 2 years ago....

Anyway, it's not like I just "discovered" You Tube today.... but I did discover the musical theatre part of it today... while I was trying to find a clip of Patti LuPone singing "A New Argentina" from the Tonys in... 1978 or something. You see, I have a mild obsession with Patti. She's freaking incredible. And I KNOW this clip exists, since it's on Broadway's Lost Treasures I... but I don't have it. And I NEED it. I want to play Evita, now. I didn't before.... Patti LuPone made me want to play Evita. And I want to play Florence in Chess a lot, too.... not that they're... the same... but I was thinking about that recently, as well. Someday I'll make a list of all the roles I want to play and no one will care... but, you know, I can use it for reference or something.

LaChanze won the Tony for best actress! How exciting... and what tough competition she had.

I was thinking today about how I can't wait for the day when you can REALLY watch anything you want whenever you want. Old award shows, those Broadway performances they have in the library in NYC, any movie, and episode of any show... I mean, I KNOW the day will come eventually. It will be so awesome.

I took kitty for a walk today. She was happy. *I* looked silly, but she was happy. She is now in the process of playing with a pencil underneath the table beside me. She's a fierce hunter.

We went to the OG here for dinner and it was delightful. It would have been MORE delightful if they would have actually given me a job when I tried to transfer there.... but I can see why they didn't. It was surprisingly empty for Sandusky in summer on a Sunday night.

Oh, and yesterday I was kind of... emotional.... but today I am WAY better.

I guess I should update today even though nothing really... happened.

My parents ordered "The Family Stone", so I watched it again. I really do like that movie. It's so... uncomfortable. There are times when I just want to scream at SJP's character but there are other times when I feel like I know EXACTLY what the situation is like. It made me realize how much I miss Jim's family...

I may or may not be head over heels in love with Coldplay's "Amsterdam." It comes in second place over my love of the extra sweet tea.

I feel like... I need to drive somewhere.... I may have to be content driving to Meijer, though.

I have a lot of feelings... today...

I got an email back from Senator Mike DeWine this morning saying he has always supported the gay marriage ban and always will... and you know what my reply was? Or... would have been? Or IS, but not directly to him and just on my blog? Ok, here it is...

Then YOU, sir, have a fight on your hands!! I will use my awesome powers of persuasion to make sure you are not reelected (and it shouldn't be too hard since, let's face it, you're a pretty crappy Senator anyway) and worse than that, we will tar and feather you in the streets!!! NOW which is worse.... losing your job and looking like an overgrown chicken or a couple of guys sharing the bonds of holy matrimony??

I bet he'd still say the gay marriage thing is worse. But that's because he is a politician.

Anyway, you know, I am so glad that I was never alive in a world where interracial marriage was illegal. I mean, racism just makes me sick. I just don't UNDERSTAND it.... I can't figure out why anyone would be racist. I hope that someday, if I do have children, they won't be able to understand why anyone would be against gay marriage.

I still might go to the Porthouse picnic. Like I have said countless times, it's not like I'm doing anything else. Well, I'll probably go run here in a couple of minutes, but besides THAT... I'm pretty much just scheduled to sit around all day. I think a picnic might be nice. Even a NIGHT PICNIC, as this will be...

Um, I need to take a moment to make fun of my exboyfriend. I'm sorry, just deal with it. It HAS to be done. In his latest blog entry he writes..

I finished all my writing today. 20 pages in just over four hours... not my best speed, but I hadn't eaten all day.

Now my dear, what on earth are you trying to prove here? You're obviously tooting your own horn, but why are you trying to mask it by pretending to be modest? If *I* would have done that the post would have been like this:

"OH. MY. GOD. I just wrote 20 pages in 4 hours!!!!!!!! Can you effing BELIEVE that???? My GOD!!!! I am the most amazing person of ALL TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And, actually, his post and my pretend post are pretty much the same thing... his is just... more pathetic... than my pretend post. I just don't get why he does it. If he was REALLY being modest he wouldn't talk about it at all... so why PRETEND?

Ugh.... anyway... well, Alison, I would LIKE to run that half-marathon in manhattan, but it's the day before school starts.... and that scares me. Most likely I would be really tired and then I'd have to go to school the next day like "Wah... I can't walk... help me" not to mention "wah, I was in NYC yesterday and now I'm not... help me." It would be kind of cool, though... I'll consider it. :)

Since June has arrived I have felt the need to actually... go outside. These 6 weeks are going pretty fast now... Porthouse move-in is only 2.5 weeks away. I think I should really ENJOY the fact that I do nothing right now because as soon as Porthouse starts the time will go WAY too fast and suddenly it will be August and summer will be over. And then... you know... I'll be sad. I like school and I like seeing my friends every day and being involved with stuff but there is just something about summer, you know? This is the whimsy talking. I just have SO MANY good summer memories... I don't think I've ever had a BAD summer (knock on wood). I have, however, had bad every other seasons (blame this on boys) so I never look forward to them AS much because of the whole... memory thing. But summer... summer is untainted. Summer is pure.

I think the next sunny weekday I am going to go down to the Boat Basin and just... sit there for a while. There's benches. Everyone likes a good bench. There is just nothing to do here except enjoy the scenery. Unless you OWN a boat... then the sea is your limit. We don't own a boat and the nothingness of Huron is our limit.

I went for a run and laid out again today. I wasn't out long before it got cloudy, though, and laying out was pointless. It made me feel good about life, though... I must have had low vitamin D or something.

We FINALLY watched the last episode of That 70s Show.... it was sad. Well, I was sad. I was, however, so relieved that Eric came back. I was going to be so mad at Topher Grace if he didn't come back... I mean, it was HIS show. Did anyone else notice how that stupid "filler" character with the longish hair (I can't remember his name) disappeared the moment Kelso was on the show? I hated that character anyway. He was stupid and the actor was ridiculously bad.

Kitty telling Donna she would always be a daughter to her... that was one of the saddest things I've ever seen on a sitcom....

My mom and I watched this Food 911 today and they made chicken dumpling soup... so then WE (and by "we" I mean my mom) made it for dinner. It turned out really good, too. That Food 911 guy sure does know his chicken dumpling soup. My mom also said "He's cute. Why don't you marry him?" as if
A. I was actively searching for someone to marry
B. I would have ANY opportunity to meet this guy even if I was.
I don't know why she said it.

I also watched the Federal Marriage Amendment debates in the Senate for like 2 hours.

I was scared to do anything else today because of the date.

But Happy Birthday to John Popa!

I wrote the post below for like an hour... and then I c&p'd it to ensure its safety.... and immediately after Internet Explorer had to close for one of those unknown errors. I was like "Whew.... luckily I c&p'd this" but as I went to paste it into Word, it was nowhere to be found on the clipboard and I had to start all over again. I was very unhappy. The original post was better.

I watched "The Jerk" last night and it was so freaking hilarious. I had never seen it before but was intrigued by what I saw on the Top 100 Funniest Movies of All Time (which was a mediocre list at best). This movie is awesome. There are very few movies that were made before I was born that I find REALLY funny, but this was definitely topping the list. The part when Steve Martin got out of the bathtub to run after Bernadette Peters and was naked and holding that dog up in front of him... and then picked up the neighbor's dog to hold in back of him... and just the fact that he was shielding himself with DOGS... oh, man. Comic genius. I was also surprised at how lovely Steve Martin's singing voice is.

I went for a run today and I also laid out by the pool for a while. The weather was perfect... and it was just so nice, hearing the "waves" (they're hardly waves) come in from the lake. I loved it.

There is no doubt in my mind that some Senators will make note of tomorrow’s date and try to use it as “proof” that gay marriage is wrong. The Pat Roberstons of the world will likely point out the fact that of course these debates are being held now and that it has to be the devil’s work that they’re even having conversations…. But I sort of agree with that statement. There must be a really strong evil in this world if we can think about denying marriage to two people who are in love.

How can we justify judging them? How can we justify breaking their hearts? It doesn’t HURT anyone! Oh, but they say it hurts children. What if a gay couple doesn’t want to have children? And even if they did, wouldn’t being in an orphanage hurt more? Or being shipped from foster home to foster home? Or being raised by celebrities? Or being raised by abusive parents? Or emotionally unavailable parents? Or parents who neither had the means or the ability to raise children?

Some say a gay couple should not be allowed to get married because they can’t produce children. So what about straight couples who can’t produce children? What about people who never want to have children? Should THEY not be allowed to get married? And for that matter, what about single parents? If having one mother and one father is such a big deal, why are they allowing children to be raised by just a mother or a father?

It’s funny, one of the first things I ever remember learning is that families come in all shapes and sizes (and you can thank Sesame Street for that). The typical “nuclear family” is not the ONLY kind of family. I have had this burned into my brain for the last 20 years. I don’t know why I could understand it as a four year old and some of our law makers cannot.

Our country was founded by people searching for religious freedom and that is why we are a Christian-only nation. That is why we base all of our laws on the Bible and have a very literal approach to everything it says. But wait! Remember JESUS? Remember how when he came he told us NOT to judge others (in Matthew 7, 1-5)? Remember how he seemed to preach love and acceptance for everyone? Remember how Christians DON’T keep Kosher or many of the other ancient Jewish laws but INSIST that Leviticus is the be all end all opinion on gay marriage, when half the Jews, who read the Torah as Christians do the New Testament (and Leviticus is a book of the Torah), don’t seem to care?

But we’re NOT a Christian-only nation. There’s a separation of church and state in this country so that we could keep these things from happening. It seems in the opinion of those willing to oppress gay marriage, we should also forbid atheists, agnostics and those of other religions outside the Judea-Christian realm to get married… but we don’t do that. If I could go out tomorrow and marry some random guy off the street who I didn’t love, why shouldn’t gay couples who ARE in love be allowed that right? How can we justify keeping love and happiness out of this world?

Once again we will climb onto our American high horse to tell the world that we know what liberty is. Liberty isn’t “the condition of being free from restriction or control”, nor is it “the right and power to act, believe, or express oneself in a manner of one's own choosing”…. Liberty is telling some of the nicest, most morally right people I will ever know, that they can’t get married because they’re gay. Because they were born that way and even though it wouldn’t hurt anyone more than any straight marriage hurts someone, in our OPINION, it’s just not right.

Our forefathers didn’t fight for this country 230 years ago for this.

Today I started thinking about all the auditions I want to go to next year. There's a lot. I mean, I want to go to as many as possible... UPTAs, OTAs, NETC, SETC, Porthouse, Cain Park, Strawhat and hopefully the showcase (because I want to WORK after I graduate college)... and this... is going to cost SO MUCH MONEY! :( I did some preliminary math, and with just the registration, flight and hotel costs (and the printing of headshots), I would have to spend $1855. That's not including things like... food. Or rental cars. God... this is going to be hard. A lot of the actual flight stuff isn't online yet since it's so far ahead of time, so I estimated high for those costs (hopefully they'll go down) and sharing hotel rooms will most likely bring down costs as well... but jeez. I mean, I knew it was going to be high. I think I told my parents earlier in the year that it was going to be like $5000 for all these auditions, though, so this is... better. But it is still really scary.

Maybe I SHOULD try to not get cast in the fall shows as Kent so I can work and make money. Or maybe I'll get some kind of magical grant from the state of Ohio to cover the costs. I wonder if I can write them off on my tax return for next year....

I hope I'm not the only one who cries during each episode of Extreme Makeover Home Edition.

We have the Food channel on video on demand and that is awesome. I wish the History channel had video on demand, too.... oh my God, I SO need a life.

I can't wait to work out again at the rec center. I mean, really. I miss it so much.

Yesterday I took my sister back to Kent and then I stopped into the box office to get my "Dames at Sea" comp ticket and said hi to Ryan and Jessie and then when she got off work, jessie showed me my soon-to-be apartment. It's kind of smaller than my old one at eagle's landing... and by "kind of" I mean "a lot." It'll be ok. But Allison, we can't room together. :( Jessie and Ali are already in separate rooms... since I don't mind the kitties, I said that I would just take over the extra bed in Jessie's room. So, boo... but it's not like we're in different APARTMENTS, so I'm sure we'll be fine. :)

I bought a towel apparatus and a shower... thing... for us since eagle's landing sucks. Now all we need is a slip cover for that ugly couch....

OH, and Allison, Ali and Jessie both brought TVs, and I HAVE to bring mine, so you can bring yours if you want, but you don't have to. :)

Ok, anyway, I got home early because I told my grandma I was just going to the bank (but was gone for a couple of hours) and I didn't want her to have to wait up late for me. There WILL be a Sterling reunion soon, though. Mark my words.

Today was POPAPALOOZA. I didn't realize how long it had been since I had seen John Popa until I was about to go in and then I got really... nervous. But, I got to see Sergio, Cass and BOB HERRO (who I haven't seen in FOREVER and he's all married with a baby on the way), so it was just a truly magical time. I got him a card. I drew a picture of a duck on it.

I listened to the whole Kelly Clarkson "Breakaway" album in the car on the way back here. I can relate to every single one of those songs.

And now it's Huron. Woo.

I went for a walk today for a little while. It was a good day for walking. We also went to dairy queen where my mom made no sense while ordering (she wasn't so much speaking an order as she was saying random words). But I got a frozen hot chocolate so it turned out ok.
We watched the Spelling Bee later. It was awesome. I was so glad a girl won... I mean, I would have preferred one of the other two girls in the top 3 to win, but I was happy nonetheless. The spelling bee is by far my favorite thing on TV the whole year... it's so suspenseful. If you've never watched it before I HIGHLY recommend it for next year. I cry EVERY TIME.

Well, it's "official." Jim's dating Bethany. I say official in quotation marks because it was official a long time ago, and I knew about it, he just finally chose to tell me.

I'm surprisingly ok about this... what bothered me the most is that he got into another long distance relationship when he had so many distance-related problems in OURS... and that it did indeed take him so long to tell me. I mean, I OBVIOUSLY knew. I talked about how "people in my life" and "[people] I used to know" were keeping things from me on here all the time. I just wanted him to come out and say it.

The timing could be only slightly better. I kind of wish it wouldn't have happened until I was at Porthouse so I could talk to Griffin for a long time. And, you know, part of me wishes it would have never happened at ALL... but as much as I tried to hate Bethany once I knew (and believe you me, I did try to hate her), I can't. She's funny... and she's smart... and she's a lot nerdier than I am, which kind of fits with Jim better. The best part is that she's a REAL person, unlike the "friends" Jim made in LA who were... God, I don't even know. The worst influence in his life ever (except Cameron... and I liked Eric, too). I hope she can do a better job than I could at making him not crazy.

See? Seven and a half months later and I'm ok with it.

Anyway, I've watched Anchorman like... a million times and it never gets old. I could seriously watch it every day and MAYBE I will. I really enjoy it when he's taking to Baxter and anytime he mentions a mountain. :)

I'm bringing my sister back to Kent on Friday morning and I am staying overnight at my grandma's so that I can go to Popa's birthday party for a little while on Saturday night. However, I have all of Friday night free so if those of you who are actually IN the Kent area want to play with me, I will be there. Ali, I am speaking to you. :)