It's two weeks until my birthday.

I think you all know what I want, by now.

Jeez, I am THE MOST PATHETIC PERSON IN THE WORLD.

I finally bought speakers for my computer. They cost me less than $20. Why didn't I buy them before today? I can also use them with my mp3 player. woot.

I went out today to buy that stupid gate opener for my apartment... the valley is so freaking flooded. I ACTUALLY thought I was going to be swept away a couple of times.

Remind me never to go to the gas station at Cahuenga and Magnolia ever again. These people asked me to buy them so gas, I told them I was REALLY poor, but still bought them $10 worth of gas... and then ANOTHER guy asked me for gas. I was like... wtf is going on?

I sooo did not want to buy those people gas, either. The only reason I did was because I ACTUALLY thought to myself "Now what would Jesus do, Alisa?"

Well, in all reality, Jesus would probably have filled up their tank. Or maybe provided them with a car that didn't need gas... Or magical sandals or something.

There's this part of Burbank just west of the 5 that looks exactly like Cuyahoga Falls on Howe Rd. It kind of freaks me out.

I really like having speakers. I mostly like being able to listen to music.

I have to be at the Suite Life at 10am tomorrow. I'm a little scared because Leona won't be there until 11... and what if I forgot where it was? I really think I might have forgotten.

I still wonder why Paul Simon wanted people to called him "Al."

Haha, that reminds me. I was thinking about going by "Ali"... but I like my name. I like that name, too, but no one freaking gets my name right and I'm sick of it. Someone said recently that nothing reminded them more of hope and happiness more than the name "Alisa." I bet no one ever said that about the name... Molly. Or... Jacob. Yeah... I think my mom really got it right when she named me.

I had my first "jim dream" last night. I never really dreamt about him when we were actually together, so it was weird. He didn't really do much in it, though... but I guess it was nice to "see him." There were also these TINY kittens in the dream... and my parents were there... and I was singing in the mirror in the bathroom. I was talking about being "God's favorite, after the 7 boys of the original tribes of Israel." You know... somehow... I don't think that's actually true. And does that count as sacrilege? If so... sorry.

I miss Len. I really want to talk to him. I could email him but I'm just kind of hoping, by my expressing this thought in text, that he'll just KNOW to look at my website and get caught up on my life. The email I would send him would be so ridiculous that he would probably stop reading halfway through.


Yeah, this needs to stop.




On and on from the moment I wake,
To the moment I sleep,
I’ll be there by your side,
Just you try and stop me,
I’ll be waiting in line,
Just to see if you care.

The gloominess rating outside is unparalleled. It's been raining since like 12pm last night. HARD, too. Thunder and lighting and everything. It's like it's not LA.

Hence the fact that I haven't done anything today. I am NOT gonna drive anywhere far in the first big rain of the season... people are going to be crazy.

However... I am really happy it's raining so hard. My car is going to be beautifully clean.

When I got up today the internet was down and I was on the phone with this schmo from SBC for, no joke, 40 minutes. He finally transferred me to someone else and the internet was back within ONE MINUTE. Freaking moron.

I actually got an audition from actor's access. I couldn't believe it. AND, when I told them I'd be unavailable tomorrow night (because of the Suite Life), they are trying to RESCHEDULE me..... WHAT?? I can't believe it. It's for "Closer Than Ever"... which is a CD I thought I left at home when I moved... but I just remembered it was in my room. So, I need to go learn that. In the car, since that's the only place I have a CD player. Well, this will give me incentive to take a shower and not mope around. Yay.

I'm so freaking dramatic. I don't like it.

I didn't do anything. In fact, I barely moved from this computer chair. I still need to do laundry, but I can do that any time.

I started talking to Chris Kateff and then I cried again. Brandon told me not to cry because "you're not cute when you cry" (which is SO TRUE), but I can't help it. I wish I wasn't so pathetic.

I made pancakes. They were perfect... which is amazing since I had no butter or nonstick spray.

Someone at work today made the comment that now I could date headshot guy. The funny thing is, I feel like I never want to date anyone ever again. Brandon Lee just called to tell me that I shouldn't move... but he also said if I DO move he'd have a reason to go to NYC. I love him. I almost cried on the phone because he said I was a prize. Awwww...

Anyway, I looked into trailers online from uhaul today... It would cost about $500 to go from here to New York. With gas and lodging and everything, the total move would be like... $1000. This is not something I have, but on the plus side, I would get to keep the stuff I bought out here and not have to worry about buying new stuff. I don't have a LOT of stuff, but I have more stuff than I can fit in my car.

I have to do laundry tonight. I'm probably also going to sneak into Archstone again to work out.

I was thinking about going to church tonight, but I ended up staying at work way too long. We were slow, I only made $30... but that's kind of more than I thought I would make. So, we're down to $1365. I'm not scheduled for tomorrow but I might call in to see if they need anyone after 5pm. I have a few things to do tomorrow... DEFINITELY register with central casting (although, now that I think about it... that's kind of a stupid idea. Oh well, if I want to do any MORE extra work, I'd still have to)...and uh... there was something else I needed to do, too. I can't remember now...

The Suite Life is AFTRA, and Leona said most soap operas are also AFTRA...and a lot of soap operas are taped in new york. Sooooo, what that means is that I could totally do enough out here to join AFTRA and then continue to work for them via soap operas and then join equity after a year. Ooooo....

WHY am I still optimistic? Nothing has gone right in the last year and here I am, still thinking everything will be fine.

It RAINED today. That is so unusual...

Dix huit, I want to follow that running schedule you had up, even though I don't want to run a marathon right now (Alison's training stories from the other night... err... turned me off long distance running for a while). I just won't up the mileage... ever. And they DID just finish the pedestrian road of the new orange line in the valley... maybe I could run there...

Ok, that's all for now... but based on the frequency of my posts the last couple of days, i'll probably update again later. Those of who never update on weekend... you suck. Start updating as much as me.

I was supposed to be drink runner at work but they put me on the floor (thank God... I wouldn't have made any money as a drink runner) and I made $60. It was a good tip-wise night, but I had a bad section, didn't come in until 6pm and was the first person cut. If I would have been taking tables all day I would have made a loooot of money. This week has kind of sucked tip-wise, though, since I only worked 2 day shifts and then today. The total is down to $1395, not including whatever I made at the Suite Life on Friday. I work tomorrow morning... but if it's anything like the last Sunday morning I worked, I'll stand around for 2 hours and then go home without having a table.

I need to pick up a LOT of shifts this week. I want to work every day. I can't sit at home... being alone and not doing anything is torture. I have too much time to think. I feel better NOW than I did earlier, but that's most likely because I had other things to worry about while I was working.

Somehow the thought popped into my head at work... if I don't move I will constantly be hoping Jim unstupefies and wants to get back together with me. I don't WANT to hope this if it's not going to happen, but I will unless there is... no way he could get back together with me. So, basically, if I don't move, I will be a pathetic piece of crap who is waiting around for something that will probably never happen. I know myself well enough to know what I'll do, and I WILL do that. So... SOMETHING has to change from the current situation.

You know what else I feel like? Here's a list:
1. That the most wonderful thing in the world would be sitting in a warm room in a warm bath with my mind wiped completely clean
2. That, or being able to sleep for the next few months
3. I'm growing my hair out, but I'm afraid, because of the style it's cut in, that it will grow into a mullet. This is a really serious concern.
4. That my apartment complex should provide gate openers for us rather than making us buy our own for $25. And THEN, the place they tell us to go to was closed from today ar 2 until Monday. And she didn't tell us until after 2!
5. That I am going to have THE WORST BIRTHDAY EVER.
6. Even if I do move, I don't really know what to do with my stuff... how to get it there, how I'M going to travel, what to do with my car (other than sell it... but WHERE am I going to sell it?)... there is just so much to figure out
7. What I am going to do with the freaking ONE-WAY plane ticket I bought just 3 days before this happened...?

(One would say the answer to number 7 and number 6 lie in the fact that I DO have a one-way plane ticket (it's one way because I was going to go to Disney World with Jim and his family the day after Christmas :( ). However, ok, let's say I sell my car here and fly back to Ohio for Christmas before moving to NY.... what about my stuff? It would be SO expensive to ship it from LA to NYC. And then I'd have to buy another plane ticket to get there, or have some saint come and drive me, but why would anyone want to do that? BUT---if I drive back to Ohio to sell my car there, then just ship stuff from OH to NY... how am I supposed to afford the gas? And I can't drive across the country by myself. And then I have a plane ticket that will probably never be refunded. GOD DAMNIT, JIM!!! Seriously, could you have picked a WORSE time to do this? NO. If you were gonna break up with me, why didn't you just STAY broken up with me last month instead of letting me sign a year lease and buy a freaking plane ticket?!?!?! AAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! And if you could have waited the MONTH... couldn't you have just waited a few MORE months? Jeez.)

Clearly... I am pissed.

But I'm also sad. And worried. And nervous. And I wish I wasn't Alisa.... because despite how nice Alisa is, boys who are supposed to love her treat her like crap.

I was doing so well (emotionally) before... about 15 minutes ago. I don't know what happened. I don't know WHY I was relatively ok the last two days or why I'm suddenly not. I would give anything to have this not be real.

How awful... to be tortured by the one thing you can't get away from.. your own mind.

Oh God... I just got a really bad feeling that there is no way I am going to be able to make enough money as I need to this month. I think it's safe to say that this is one of the worst weeks of my life...

It's 2am... and we all know 2am posts are never good.

This blog is about to get a lot more interesting to those of you (myself included) who are addicted to... The Break-Up Blog.

Let's start at the beginning. It was April 2004. I had just gotten back from over a week in CA on spring break. Things were awesome between us.... spring break was one of my favorite trips out here. And then... something changed. After that day, save two really nice visits in May and when he came home in July.... nothing was ever the same. I still have no idea what caused him to do a complete 180... and apparently I'll never know.

It's not like Jim was ever a really emotional person. I don't think he lets himself get too close to people. But from that day on be became so much more distant... At first I thought it was just one of his moods, then I thought it was a stage, THEN I thought my moving here would help things and finally I just started thinking/hoping that, since the BAD change was so abrupt, he could go back to normal. I know he's CAPABLE of being a human being who cares about people--he was sooooo sweet before--so it's not like this wish was totally off-base. It just never happened.

HOWEVER---do not be fooled by his blog and his twisting of words. We did not "break up"... oh no, he DUMPED me. He sat there with a blank look on his face for hours while I sat there crying and trying to figure out what happened. I have never felt more abandoned in my life.

I admit that I was ridiculous that evening. I cried so much, I made myself look so stupid, and he stood there stone-faced. It seemed to take all the will in him when he patted me on the back. I was so mad at myself for... well, I guess I'm STILL mad at myself. I went over there just to talk about something. I almost left at the beginning of the conversation because he was being such a jerk.. he was not in a conversational mood and I didn't want to deal with that. What happened took me completely by surprise... I didn't even know WHAT happened and had to ask "Do you just not want to see me for a few days or are you breaking up with me???" I wish I could translate with text alone his response to that. Those of you lucky enough to have heard my imitation know how cruel he was.

When I left it was 3:30. I called Alison. We talked until after 5am. His mom called me the next day, and then Christy called. I talked to Kellee about it later in the day and then Leona. Today I talked to Dan... each one of these people told me I'd be better off without him. That I don't deserve to be in a relationship with someone who treats me the way he treated me, who can't even see how great I am... and I mean, I agree with them. In fact, even JIM agrees with them as he kind of said the same thing. But do you think that it makes this any better? Not at all. And I guess what I finally realized is that I don't want to be with mean, weird Jim... I want to be with NORMAL Jim. I want to be with the Jim who has feelings and cares about human beings and for ONCE makes me a priority in his life. I know he exists... I just don't know what happened to him.

Jim was saying this week that who he is now is who he wants to stay... because he's now a "better person." Can anyone else see the absurdity in this statement? How can someone so full of neglect and void of feelings be a BETTER person than the one who I thanked God for daily? How can THAT GUY be BETTER than the one who made me happy every second of every day... even though I never got to see him? How is that POSSIBLE? It's not even like he's transferred his former coolness to another outlet---it's just GONE.

You know, I feel bad writing all of this... but I'd do it eventually, so it might as well be now.

There are so many things that make me furious... but I think that what makes me the most mad is that last month, when we agreed to work on all that stuff... I actually DID IT. I was really starting to get to know his friends and I've been working sooo hard this month to make enough money... all he really had to do was try to talk to me... and he said that he can't. Not only did he not even give it as much time as we agreed on but he also just totally gave up. He freaking GAVE UP on a 2+ year relationship, on a girl who moved from Ohio to be with him (who is SO COOL!) because he didn't want to TRY. Now I understand that when you don't have to work at anything in your life because it all comes so easily, it's hard to remember that interpersonal relationships are different. When there are people involved, it's not like school. You CAN'T just show up, play Snood on your laptop and expect everything to still be ok. Life will never be that way. You HAVE to try when it's more than just you who matters. I don't think he'll ever understand that, though.

I really feel like if he can't be in a relationship with ME (and I the THE easiest person to be in a relationship with), than there is absolutely no hope for him. No one else would put up with what I put up with. And no one else is as freaking AWESOME as I am.

So... here I am. Confused, scared, dead inside.... but still so, so hurt. It's not just the relationship I miss... it's not even just normal Jim that I miss.. I miss the complete Jim. I just don't understand how you can love someone so much and fight for them for so long... and have it kicked in your face. Again. I feel so betrayed by my heart. If it was really so wrong, and I'M the blind one, how could I feel SO differently?

It just sucks, you know? I would have stayed with him forever... not because I settled or because I was comfortable... but because I know what he's capable of and it is so much, in so many different ways. He's an amazing guy... I just wish he could show that ever again.




I'm thinking pretty seriously about moving. I have a lot to do. NYC is the obvious choice since everyone I know lives there.... and it's kind of the center of what I want to do with my life. Christy also suggested working for Disney World in Orlando.... so that's an option too. I'm NOT going to bail on Dustin (and I don't want to lose my security deposit) so we gotta figure this out before anything else can happen. If I moved to NYC I'd be able to sell my car, though, which would help all financial matters a ton.




Everyone thinks I should be so excited about the prospects in my life... I have a "clean slate" and "anything is possible." I still feel dead, though. Really. It's just so unreal.



(not that I imagine anyone's buying me anything for my birthday (which is now... ruined), but I guess this makes it pretty clear not to buy anything geographically limited (like a membership at the 24 hour fitness in sherman oaks or the dance studio card... just so you know)

The Suite Life was fun today. It was so... not like I expected. I don't know WHAT I expected, but it was very theatrical. It was just the dress rehearsal today, we tape next week. Hopefully I'll be able to keep doing the extra stuff for a while...

I went to bed so early last night... like 10:50.

Trapped in the Closet chapter 6 debuted this week. I can't WAIT to see it. Leona and I are positively giddy about it.

Yesterday after I worked out I went to Kellee's to hang out for a while and play with Chloe. Tonight I'm going to see some band from Kent play out here with Leona and Kevin. Their apartment is really cute... especially the couches.

I'm pretty pissed off right now. I'm sure you can guess why. Or maybe not...

Oh yeah, even though I'm at Leona's right now, internet is FINALLY on at my apartment! I am really really happy.

I'll write more later...

Ever feel like you're just... dead? Like there isn't any sadness or happiness left in the world... like you're just completely dead inside? No feelings... adjectives don't really work anymore to describe things... You're just dead.

Yeah... me too.

I'm online from the "business center" at Archstone. Kellee's been coming back here every day to work out... we figure, since they were so crappy with us, we might as well be able to use the stuff a little longer. MY internet won't be working until like the 20th, according to SBC. I'll have dial-up... but that's so dial up. It's funny though... every time I came here before now I had to wait for a computer... now it's just smooth sailing to get on...

So, I have a lot of things to decide in a really short amount of time and I'm pretty scared. I don't want to just WAIT and see what happens, but I also don't want to jump into something and be trapped. I'm in a pretty sticky situation...

And no, I'm not going to elaborate right now. Maybe later...

Tomorrow is Suite Life. I'll definitely need to get some rest before that, especially because I slept very little last night. I originally had Amir picking up my shift at the MG, but now he's sick, so I'm pretty sure I'm just gonna have to call off... which sucks since it'll be the second time this week (because of my car). However, it's a no brain decision, as I'll be making MUCH more money and I could conceivably put it on my resume, even though it's just an extra role. I know you're not supposed to put them on film/TV resumes, but I think theatre might be different.

PS - if there is anyone out there who was going to buy me a birthday present... DO NOT buy me a gift card from Ralph's. Just in case. Not that I really even care anymore, but I do want to make sure no one wastes their money.

Anne Gilmore and Christy Reynolds are really, really awesome ladies and I'm glad I know them.

I realized one day that I sound really stupid when I talk about myself... but oh well. I'm a really cool girl. I'm really smart and clever, I'm SO easy to get along with, I work hard, I'm funny and friendly, I care deeply about my friends and family, I don't give up, and you will never find someone with eyes like mine. Sorry, but it's true. I hope you remember that, my friend. If you don't remember anything else in your life, remember that you are the one who gave up.

And no one likes a quitter.

Well, here I am. I have just had so many thing going on in the last two days... or, uh.... right.

Ok, so I got my car back. It works. After that I went home and took a nap (?) until my sister woke me up at 2pm, then I decided to take an adventure. To... THE METRO RAIL!!!!!

Oh man. Ok, this is not exciting to normal people, but it was soooo great for me. I walked down to the station in NoHo. As I was about to buy a ticket some lady just gave hers to me, so I didn't even have to pay! Not that anyone would have noticed if I just got on the train--unlike NYC, there are no ticket takers, turnstiles, no anything to prove you bought a ticket. I suppose someone probably comes by once in a while to check... but probably not often. Anyway, I rode all the way to Wilshire/Vermont then got off to go to Wilshire/Western, called Jim ("Guess what I just did??" "What?" "Rode the METRO!!!!"), then, after realizing I really had nothing to do, got back on, and went home. It was so fun. I was like... giddy. And the ride is SO SMOOTH!!! There was also no one on the train... which i don't understand because it's so much fun. I'd take it everywhere, if I could. Perhaps that's why no one takes it... because it doesn't GO anywhere...

Anyway, I went home, went to the store and bought the smallest package of frozen broccoli I could find and some mac and cheese. I had to eat ALL the food since I don't have a refrigerator, and then felt... kind of sick... so I took ANOTHER nap (until 9pm) and then read until 2am when I went to bed.

I went to work this morning, which was fine... I made $15. Wooo. :/ After that I got a library card and drove around Burbank for a while. After realizing I couldn't find anywhere to park in Burbank, I went home, and continued to read. Now I'm at Jim's for a little while.. and I work tomorrow morning.

I also got a call from leona today... she got me the "role" of a featured extra on the Suite Life. I'll get to play a chef! I'm pretty excited... she said I'd make like $300, which is definitely more than I'd make at the MG. I'll be there Friday and Tuesday for sure, maybe Monday.

So, those are the totally boring and uninteresting things that happened during the last two days. I'm calling SBC tomorrow about the internet (They BETTER get it working... by... tomorrow), so maybe my life will improve slightly once I have that in my apartment.

Ok, nothing else to say right now... rrrraaarrrggghhh...

Well... sigh... I got my car towed into Pep Boys this morning. $524 to fix the fuel pump. :( You know it's never a good thing when you have to resort to asking your bankrupt parents for money. :(

But, they're amazing, and SOMEHOW (although I'm afraid they'll never turn on the heat in the house now) they helped me out and are sending money western union. I feel so, sooo bad. This is the worst timing ever. If only I wouldn't have gotten that plane ticket just an hour before. I still wouldn't have enough, but I'd be $100 closer. And if only it weren't in one of the two worst months for money (the month before the security deposit and the month after). I told them they better not get me anything for my birthday, because this is a huuuuuge sacrifice they're making, and I don't need anything.

I feel like a jerk. I mean, I know the CAR isn't my fault, but it is my fault (and the government's, of course, for not making the minimum wage higher) that I don't have any money. And it's (partially) my fault that THEY don't have any money, and they gave me money that they don't have! I'm a terrible person.

I've been bored all day. Jim dropped me off back at his house because at least here I'd be able to research bus routes, if it came to that. I felt bad for kitty and his thousands of fleas, so I gave him a bath... which was hard, and not exactly successful, because he never really went IN the sink, I just kept having to dump handfuls of water on him. The fleas are mostly still there... but I THINK I got some of the eggs. He's got bites all over his head and neck. Jimmy needs to get him to the vet. Luckily kitty doesn't seem to hate me since he's sitting with me... but me might only be using me for warmth to disguise the hatred.

I obviously had to call off work today, too, which is not good... although since it was Columbus Day, and the banks were closed, it was probably relatively slow so I likely didn't miss out on much. Tomorrow is Suite Life I THINK... Leona said they had people on the set today but no one ever called me to come in (which is good since I wouldn't have been able to get there)... but no one called me for TODAY either, so... I don't know what is going on.

It's so nice when everything is going fine... and then you go out to your car to go get some food... and your car won't start.

I SO did not need this. It was working when I drove here today. WHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYY must this happen to me!??!?!

I called AAA, they came out and the guy said he thinks it's the fuel pump. It makes sense since I KNOW it wasn't the battery---my radio turned on and everything. So, since nowhere is open today, I'll have to get it towed tomorrow. Jim's not even HERE anymore... he is at church. I guess I'll have to call off tomorrow unless they tell me, miraculously, that they can fix it within, like... an hour.

This sucks.

I ordered pizza since I HAVE to eat (and there is NO food here), which is going to cost a million dollars. Man... I was riding so high last night after making all that money... and now it's all gone. On a plane ticket (no matter how cheap it was, it's still $100) and however much it costs to get this fixed in my car. Why God, why? I will never be able to emerge from the red.

And my head hurts sooo bad from no caffeine... and not eating yet...

I just got a plane ticket home for Christmas for $104. WOW! That's the cheapest thing.... ever. And although I can't really afford that right now, I HAD to buy this ticket, otherwise I would end up spending at least $100 more. But yay, now all the plans are falling into place.... muhahahaha...


Ok, also, since it's 22 days until my birthday, I decided to make the Official Alisa's 23rd Birthday List of Desirables

(Is it wrong of me to wish I had a registry?)

Ok, here goes:

• Gift certificates (most importantly, IKEA, Best Buy, Target, RALPH'S (the grocery store) )
  
• Money (duh)
  
• The Killers "Hot Fuss" CD (in any of it's downloadable, burned or regular forms)
  
• The Second Amendment, Most Likely to Secede (apparently, according to advice from katie e, men's medium)
  
• A 30 day card to Studio A Dance or a membership at 24 hour fitness (area code 91601, club in Sherman Oaks) (I know... a gift where I have to pay every subsequent month? It's worth it!)
  
• U2 tickets? :) (I'm just throwing that out there... however, if there are any millionaires out there who want to buy me the $500 GA tickets for the Nov. 1 or 2nd show at the Staples... you know, by all means, go ahead. Same goes for Depeche Mode tickets. :) Johnny Depp, this means you. I know you read this.)
  
• I also like iPods (although I don't REALLY need one...), homemade (and unique) jewelry, Pandas, chocolate, cookies, a vacuum cleaner, Narnia, Harry Potter, the little mermaid, flowers (lilies), tickets to see a broadway show during March 18-25, and CHERRY COKE.

Birthday lists are always so fun. I used to put pictures on mine so my parents would know EXACTLY what I wanted. Alisa = spoiled brat.

There's a problem we have at the MG... a problem that occurs between 2-4 every day because we're usually so slow that they send all the cooks home. However, sometimes people still come in. And people wait and wait and wait... and get cold food. And I stand there, throwing my hands down and crying into the air "WHHHHYYYYYY?", then run away to fix it, while my customers stare at me. This happened with a nice, British family yesterday. It also sucked because the hosts doubled seated me... across the room. Luckily the people liked ME, so they still tipped me $10 (Patrick comped everything), but I doubt they'll return. Not that *I* care particularly, but that's not really good business.

After that I went on my break and on my break I decided, whatever happens, I need to stay calm. I usually tend to freak out, and it never ends up good. So, I spent a great deal of energy staying calm. Even when they double sat me a party of 9 and a party of 4, before my first table's food was out. Even after that, when they continued to double seat me (which is only bad when you're busy) all the way up until 10:30. HOWEVER, I worked my butt off, and for that I was rewarded by making..... (drum roll)

Before tip out: $150!!!!!!!!!

I tipped out $30, so I still walked with $120!!!!! Can you believe that? I've never walked with $100 before. I was so happy. Happy and tired. I took 15 tables, so obviously the average tip was $10... awesome. I was pretty hopeful I'd make $100 halfway through my shift, but I was totally blown away by $150. I SHOULD make this much every night, but we're slow most of the time... but it finally happened. Yaaaaaaaayyyyy!!!!

So, now I have $1470 left to make this month.

In other news, my head hurts. Probably because I haven't eaten anything or had any caffeine yet today.

I hope Laura Bush teaches Harriet Miers to do eye makeup pretty soon. If *I* would have been chosen as the nominee, I wouldn't NEED any eye makeup advice.... not that I'm bitter.... or anything..

Ok, so I was thinking about it just now... if Harriet Miers doesn't get to be the next justice, I would HOPE that the president would finally consider all MY legal experience and nominate ME. Best. Decision. Ever.

I need to get going to work... Jim and I went to Johnnie's today. It's what we do. We also argued about Harry Potter because he doesn't think Voldemort is a good character and kept using the "this is where a degree in english separates us" line. I think he's stupid, so TAKE THAT, JIM! haHA!

Also, my birthday is on October 31st. Which is not today. TODAY, however, is Stevie P's birthday, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HIM!!!

And remember, my birthday is in 23 days...

So, I wrote Kevin. This is the copy of the email I DIDN'T send, for obvious reasons (obvious when you read it). Eventually I just wrote the first paragraph and then said "Before I go off and start acting like a jerk can you tell me WHY you want **$10**/print? Thanks..." I might end up using some of my crappy, smart remarks... but jeez, I think I have every right to. I apparently never learned how to stand up for myself WITHOUT being a smart-ass. This is taking all of my self control.

When I came in to work tonight they put me on the floor instead of breaker, which was good.... until the end. I HAD to be off before I hit 5 hours or I'd violate, so I ended up staying illegally off the clock for half an hour finishing up. It sucked. But I made $70, which brings the total down to.... $1590. Right? Neat. I only had two CRAPPY tips, one $3 on $46 (the girl paid. It's always trouble when the girl pays for the guy.) and one $4 on... like $38 or something. I just counted those two as one when I thought about them.

I bought make up today. I had to. My lip gloss totally melted, I had NO mascara left at all, the eyeliner was all gone and my blush broke and was in a million pieces. I hate buying makeup because it's sooooo expensive, but I HAD to. I was about to start using stage makeup, which I just can't do.

I have eaten McDonald's approximately 5000 times this week. It's getting to be horrible. But without a refrigerator, what else are you supposed to do?? I'll probably die from high cholesterol in like... 5 minutes, I've eaten so much fast food this week.

:( The cat has fleas again... really, really bad fleas. I feel bad for him. Jim doesn't feel good right now which I ALSO feel bad for. I guess I should go home already so that I can stop feeling bad and getting bit by fleas.

When is someone going to convince Matthew Marie Smith to get on myspace? Or Kelly C? Or freaking Jenni or Lauren? We could reunite the old Sterling middle row gang. I'm not a good myspace promotor... I can't even get Jim to join.


EDIT: Oh, how could I forget?
A. This is hilarious
B. One of Erin's tables kept calling her "mickey" today when she said her last name was McCarthy. These people were like... 70 years old, too. I didn't know racism was still in against the Irish.

I had off today which was nice. I didn't do anything until late and slept till 1. Yaaaay.

Tonight Jim, Cameron and I went to see The Section Quartet perform all of radiohead's OK Computer. It was reeeeaaaaaaalllllyyyyyy great. I never really appreciated the MUSICAL aspect of the album before tonight. I always just thought of it as... you know... one of the best albums of all time. Now a new level has been added to that.

The internet should be hooked up at my place soon, which means good things and less boredom for me and updates that now always right before I leave Jim's for you.

I'm kind of scared right now. I had Jim's friend Kevin print out 8 of my headshots because I knew he had the capability to do this and because I didn't have $100 to spend to get them printed for real. I mean, I am quite aware of the fact that I can get 300 prints for $100, but since I don't HAVE $100... anyway. So, I told Kevin I'd pay him (also adding in that bit of info)... and I have all intentions of paying him (I was going to do it on Sunday but I forgot all my money when I went to Tribe), but today I got an email saying he'd like $10 PER PRINT. ARE YOU KIDDING ME HERE, KEVIN?? I mean, he's a nice guy and all, but if I had $80 I'd presumably be able to afford the $20 more needed to get 300. I was thinking, like... $25. And that was way, WAY more than I thought 8 headshots were worth. I am dumbfounded. I mean, I said in the original email that I needed the help since I was so poor... I just don't get it. So, Jim's all "talk to him about it" (and didn't seem to want to hear ANY of my scared venting), but I really have no idea what I'm supposed to say to him. "Uh, hi. That's completely unreasonable. Even $5/print is unreasonable but I'll think about it." I don't want to seem rude, and I don't want this to cause any problems... but jeez. I mean, really? They're freaking printed off a photo printer. Maybe it's a really nice photo printer, but sill. Jeez. So, I don't know what to do, or what to say, and you if would like to give me some advice, since my boyfriend will not, please feel free.

Tomorrow I'm breaker at work. This will only be good when i get my NEXT paycheck. Oh yeah, I forgot that the total for how much I need to make this month is now down to $1640, thanks to my last paycheck on Wednesday.

There were all these ants crawling over the old, leftover food jim had laying on the ground (go figure) and he sprayed Raid and I think kitty and i are about to pass out from the fumes.

Awesome

I called K-ROQ today to try to convince them to give me tickets to see the Killers tonight. They didn't. At first I was... not as happy as I could have been. But since I got to see all the all string version of ok computer, everything worked out a-okay.

Man, i didn't even know what DAY it was just now. I feel like I've been at work... always.

My $2000 goal is no closer today than it was yesterday. Well, that's not true. It's $30 closer. I'm down to needing $1820 left. Ugh. This is not looking good.

We had "Dine for America" (100% of the profits going to the red cross) today. It didn't make a difference, we were still slow. I hate that I'm making good tips but still have no money because no one is coming to eat there. People are quitting left and right.

Wow, it's been a WEIRD DAY in the celebrity world. A weird, horrible, stupid day.


I think I'm allergic to the santa ana winds. I've been sneezing like a mofo ("How exactly does a mofo sneeze, alisa?") for the last couple of days. It sucks.

One of my managers let me have free dessert today. I will love him forever for that.

Yesterday I REALLY thought I was going to meet the Killers. I mean, I don't know why, but I really believed I was going to meet them somehow during the day. When midnight came and I hadn't met them yet, I was really pretty upset.

I finished re-reading Harry Potter 4 today... I cried and gasped and screamed just like the first time. I also am now 1000000% sure about my theory about Harry, and am another 10000% sure that Snape and Dumbledore did the unbreakable vow (or whatever it was) and that Snape isn't really evil. It's so hard to talk about that without revealing too much. I know most people have read all 6 books (at least the people who care) but just in case someone who hasn't is reading my blog, I want to be careful.

I have off tomorrow. yaaaaaay. It's my only day off from the MG until Monday, when I do the suite life. Uh... yay? I mean, that should be fun. It'll definitely be less horrible. PLUS, you know, uh... I'll get to be on TV sometime, and that's always funny.

I decided today in the car that I should be a rock star. There aren't enough female ROCK stars. Mostly just female pop singers. I think that one can lead a band, sing rock and not scream. And somehow, without writing any music of my own (because, as my sister knows VERY WELL, I can't write music to save my life), I am going to make this happen.

Hahaha, Matthew Marie Smith, you will be the death of me

Uh.... only $1870 left to make this month...

I bought a microwave today. I also bought a trash can, sponges, a full length mirror, a dish rack, a tea pot (I may be the only person who uses tea pots on earth... even really crappy, ikea tea pots), a frying pan and paper towels. As I have no money this was... hard. However, I mean, I can take the microwave with me forever when I move, so it's a pretty good investment.

I had this dream my dad died... but they saved his brain and transplanted it into this other guy (who was, incidentally, black)... but it didn't really work right and it was... not the best dream. It's a dream I WOULDN'T like to keep alive.

Gosh, wow, did nothing really happen in the last day? TODAY seemed like it was really long...

Since we don't have a refrigerator yet, I went to the store and bought one chicken pot pie and a bottle of coke for $3.33. I couldn't believe how cheap that pot pie was... 5 for $10 with the ralph's card! I just couldn't buy 5 since they'd go bad.

Tomorrow I'm gonna find the library. I can't wait.

A couple of people have mentioned in comments that I'm in the "top 100"... but I don't know WHAT this top 100 is, or where to find it. Help me out here, yous.

Please forgive my post from last night and it's excessive use of the word "so."

Ok, I swear, I had more to say. Uh... OH RIGHT.

As you all know, yesterday was October 1st. This in itself isn't that... amazing... however, this means that it is now MY BIRTHDAY MONTH. Since my birthday is on the last day of the month, I get the WHOLE MONTH to celebrate. I keep telling Jim he can do the same thing, since he's the 31st of December... but he won't. Whatev. But *I* do. :) So, happy Alisa's Birthday Month, everyone. I'm getting all giddy about the fact that my birthday is in 29 days.

I have to make at LEAST $2000 this month. I know this is going to be hard, but I HAVE to do it. Like, there is no choice. If I make less, I don't get to eat during November. Only $1900 to go.... :/

I had a dream that some eye doctorish place was going to be selling boxes of contacts for $5. God, I wish that was true. I'm on my last pair and the left one ALREADY has a piece missing from it. If anyone wants to buy me laser surgery for my birthday.... haha... I'd be all about it.

I saw this thing on AOL... "Hurricanes Not God's Wrath, Most Say in Poll." I laughed. I also laughed when my sister said people who work at her Wal-mart were saying that they were punishment on New Orleans (or Disney) for their wild activity (or gay days, or whatever). And I was like "It seems to me that it's more of a punishment on the red states in general. Maybe God is punishing republicans." I am allowed to say this based on my freedom of speech and the fact that if someone can say that a hurricane is punishment for being gay, I can say it's punishment for being republican.

I don't understand why Los Angeles was colonized in the first place. It's a terrible place to live. The mountains burn in the summer/fall and turn into mudslides in the winter/spring. Every year. It's safer to breathe the fumes out of a hybrid car than to breathe the air around you in LA. Everyone has been getting all antsy about The Big One... but there are natural disasters happening all over LA, all the time. The smoke was so thick from the fires the other day that there was ash in SILVER LAKE. It smelled like a bonfire all over the city.

Well hello there. I still don't have internets at my apartment (gosh, I hope that changes soon), so I'm updating at Jim's before I leave. Tonight was pretty fun. We went to this "drum circle" (which was 90% tribe people) at MacArthur Park (yes, THAT MacArthur Park)... which was... fine... but cold. You know how I feel about drums. And, if you don't, I don't like them. Anyway, after that we went to this place, Bergan's, to hang out. I talked. Woo for me.

I worked this morning and made a cool $20. Haha. Last night at work I closed and it was HORRIBLE. We were there until 1am because people lied about their side work and we had to redo it. I was so tired. We were all in an hour of OT, which is good... but was it WORTH it? Not really.

So, on Thursday when Dustin and I signed our lease, we commented on the fact that we have a pretty view from our apartment patio of the mountains. Last night, when I finally got home from work, the pretty view of the mountains was on fire. It was so... weird.

I totally didn't eat almost anything for two days (2 biscotti cookies, 2 little pieces of pizza and a little bit of leftover food in TWO DAYS). I was sooo happy to eat today.

Jim and roommates got the apartment in Korea Town. I am SOOOOO jealous. It's such a cool neighborhood and it looks like NYC. If I can't live in NYC right now, I'd want to live in a place that looks like it (hence the reason I go to Johnnie's NY pizza so often), and now he does and I'm jealous.

I'm tired, so more tomorrow....

Well, I did it. I moved into my new apartment. Dustin is moving in tomorrow.

It was hard work. Jim helped me, though.. Thank God, too, otherwise, I uh... wouldn't have been able to do it. He made me drive the Uhaul to archstone at first... and my feet couldn't even touch the pedals. It was horrible. We were both really angry and hot at first, but things got better. Unloading was MUCH faster and easier than loading, and Jimmy drove the Uhaul. Then I took him out to eat to thank him.... which I really shouldn't have done because I am 100% totally broke, but I did anyway.

I'm so tired, now. Jim's going to look at a new apartment tomorrow at Wilshire/Western... KOREA TOWN!!! WOOOOOOOOOO!!! I'm jealous... I wish I lived in the city part.

The valley is on fire. It smelled like a cookout all day and the smoke polluted the air by night. It's uh... so glorious.

I need to buy some things for the apartment... like a microwave. Dustin said he'll get his dad to buy us a refrigerator, which is... amazing. I'm 100% totally broke, though, so I need to get money before I can do this.

I'm really tired. And worn out.

Wooo. Ok. So, I'm moving today. I turned on the power for the apt. Yay. Now I won't live in the dark. However... I don't know what the internet situation is. Soooooo, I might not be able to update as much for a while. Or will I? I have no idea.

Anyway, so there you go. Nothing else has happened since I last updated. I need some ice tea and I need to take a shower. The end.

Ok, so I was bored and did a search in myspace for just "Alisa"... there's 2616 Alisa's (I didn't look at all the profiles, of course). Here are the things I discovered:
A. A LOT of them had "uh lee suh" somewhere in their profile

B.
That this is the cutest thing I've ever seen. It makes me want to cry.

I'm really sleepy (just like those kitties). I want to nap. Maybe I will. I'm moving TOMORROW. I'm excited. I need to move my stuff into the living room. I can't wait until someday when I have money and I can buy curtains and things for my new room. I want purple walls and to paint my furniture green. Not like lime green or anything... but the color of my dresser.

I think the Hollywood sign is broken. This morning it looked like the bottom, right hand part of the H fell off or something. Maybe it's just obstructed. I don't know.

I had only 4 tables today but still made $20 after tip out. That's a good sign. It would have been better if ALL of my tables wouldn't have rounded DOWN on their tips, though. $6 on a $37 check is NOT 20%. Oh well, I'm still making more for less. Jim and I went to Johnnie's last night and I made him tip $4 on a $10 bill. I just don't think it's fair to take up someone's table and time for less than $2 a person (until, of course, it would be a BETTER tip for MORE than $2 per person. I think you all understand what I'm trying to say.)

According to tripod, I had over 10,000 page views yesterday. No freaking way. I want some PROOF.

My whole body is sore and I'm not sure why. I want that to stop, though.

For you, Katie Earle

Remember when that jerk Ryan Cabrera came into the MG? Well... he's come back 3 times since then. Once with Joe Simpson. And then... I found out the first time he was there (on VIP weekend) the guys he were sitting with... were.... THE KILLERS.

No freaking joke.

This is me when host girl told me "..... what? WHAT?"

This leads me to a couple questions. WHY were the Killers with Ryan Cabrera... and more importantly, WHY DIDN'T ANYONE EVER TELL ME THEY WERE THERE!?!?!?!

That Killers boy is so...cute.

I really want their album. I'm so dumb. I don't know why I haven't bought it when I love them so. I also want that Death Cab for Cutie album.

Speaking of music, radiohead is working on a new album. HOORAY!!!

I tried to go to the sprint store today to get my phone fixed, but hollywood is STUPID and I couldn't even find a place to park. So, I was going to go to Pasadena, but I kind of realized I'd have the same problem there (not to mention I'd have to wait forever), so i'm gonna have to make an appointment somewhere. For later.

I work tomorrow. Yay. I need money.

Ok, I have a completely pointless announcement:

I am going to grow my hair out... ish.

I'm not gonna have it LONG... but I'm gonna just not cut it for a while and see what happens. Presumably it will get longer. And that's the whole idea.

My phone is all messed up. It's awful. It was fine last night and then today in the morning it was acting kind of funny and around 2:30, the lcd screen just... disappeared. It reappeared for a couple minutes, just long enough for me to add Dustin to my speed dial. I can ONLY call people on my speed dial, unless I know the #. And since I only know 5 phone numbers tops (i lost the ability to memorize phone numbers when cell phones arrived), i really can't call anyone who isn't on my speed dial anyway. I went to the sprint store, but I'm gonna have to go to another sprint store to have it fixed. Boo.

My day has been very boring. I talked to stevie p online for a while... also ate some cookies... and did some laundry. Wooooooo.

I wish I had a life.

Man... it's been a weird night. Work was ok. I made $70. My tables were all pretty nice... but the checks were lower and I got like... 2 crappy ($4) tips. Oh well. I didn't make $600.

Anyway, after I left I listened to my voice mail... and jen left me a message telling me Vicki McCleary died. I was just like... WHAT?? I think my heart stopped for a second. Really. I couldn't believe it. Vicki was Jennica's mom... Jennica played Magenta in Rocky Horror with me... her mom was SM both years. She was so sweet.. and so YOUNG! Jen didn't know a lot of details... but.. I mean, I don't even know what to say. At first it was "Oh my God, I feel so bad for Jennica..." but then I slowly started to realize that *I* knew Vicki, too. I'm so detached from everything out here. It's not like I ONLY knew her as Jennica's mom... I mean, she was VICKI. I just feel so bad. It's so horrible. She was one of the nicest, coolest ladies I ever worked with, and she is going to be missed by SO many people.

Jennica JUST moved back to NYC, too. All these people in Canton knew before she did. :(

I came home to the empty apartment. I'm going to miss it here. I wrote "Mike Seaver was here" on the refrigerator. It was such a gloomy day.

It's been such a gloomy YEAR.

Man, I was so totally freaking out a few minutes ago. Kellee and Leona are moving out today.. which means it's gonna be me, my bed, my dresser, my stuff, and the computer left in the apartment for a while. Since Jim's gone I was thinking about the impending boredom without TV or other people... but at least I'd have the internet, right? Well.. when everyone was here, moving things out, Kevin unplugged the phone line... and the internet didn't work for HOURS. I called SBC and they were saying they couldn't get anyone to come out until Tuesday, and what would be the point in doing it on Tuesday when I HAVE to be gone on Thursday? So... I was resigned to a life of re-reading Harry potter, when I took a look at the cords and got it back! Yay! I would have lost it.

Earlier, when the internets were gone, Chloe and I took a nap, which was oh so cute, and then I sat there reading for a while. I'm gonna miss this little lady so much. She's just SO CUTE. Oh, I also downloaded some free ringtones off 2gforfree.com over my phone... I got THE LONGEST harry potter ringtone ever. And some Napoleon Dynamite ones, which I am only keeping until I can play them for Jim.

I have to work tonight. THANK GOD. Oh yeah, we got that apartment. Again, THANK GOD. I don't like working... but I need monies.

So, according to my tripod home page, my site has 1028 views YESTERDAY and over 30,000 so far this month. Could this possibly be TRUE? I mean, yes, maybe *I* contributed to like... 30 of those yesterday (I check my site compulsively... I don't know why), but really? Over 1000? You'd think there'd be more...comments. (This is NOT A PLUG to get more comments. I don't care right now.)

Chloe keeps jumping on my back and scratching it with her tiny, tiny claws of death. Every time I put her away in her room she looks at me with her big, kitty eyes and those are the times when I really hate her for making me feel bad. But if she keeps scratching my back up, I'm gonna look like I'm abused or something.

I dropped off the money, Dustin's application, and my pay stubs/copies of DL and SS card at the apartment place today. I HAVE to move by Thursday, so I'll be going SOMEWHERE... I just hope it's there.

Oh, also, so when Camey took me off the schedule for a week, I immediately put up a note saying I'd pick up shifts... and I forgot that I kind of needed Thursday off to move and picked up a shift. Great. Yeah....

I need to clean up today/start packing. Leona's almost DONE packing... including some of MY stuff which she mistakingly packed away as her own. I don't have a lot of stuff, so I definitely want to keep what I DO have.

I can't believe I've been here a year. You know what else I can't believe? How fast I learned the city. Or, alternatively, how slowly JIM learned the city. I know! JIM! MR. Directions! Seriously, though, I know SO MUCH MORE after one year than he knew after one year. I'm even wont to say that I know MORE than he knows now... although he would never agree with that. When I moved here he didn't even know Burbank and Glendale were in the valley. They may be the COOLEST part of the valley, but they're still there. Third coolest is, of course, North Hollywood, which is WHERE I WILL HOPEFULLY BE MOVING. The BEST part is that it's only a couple blocks away from the "subway"... which is AWESOME, even though I've never taken it. However, if I start making money, I plan to start taking dance classes at studio a dance in silver lake, which I would definitely want to take the metro to. Because... well, I could easily drive there, but I think taking the metro would make me feel like I live in NYC. Jeez, why don't I just move there already? All I do is complain about LA. Let me just say, Lauren Champlin, you aren't missing anything out here.

I'm gonna miss living with Kellee and Leona. I suddenly realized yesterday... why didn't Kellee and I just stay roommates? That would have been SOOOO much easier. Probably because they always thought Jim and I would be living together... even though I have told them a MILLION times that we are, like, NEVER going to live together. Unless we got married. And even then I don't know if I'd want to live with him, hahaha. But, anyway, yeah... jeez. I can't believe I'm going to be living with a gay republican. I can't believe there ARE such things as gay republicans. :) The only thing that would make it more absurd is if he was a gay republican who worked at planned parenthood. But, I love Dustin, even if he is a republican. ;)

I am so sad about that bus explosion near Dallas, with the old folks. It's easy to be sad about... pretty much everything... going on down south.

Ok, time to start packing/cleaning and watch "Ellen."

There was an earthquake today. I was about to sit down on the toilet backwards to be able to look in the mirror and put makeup on, but as i was sitting down, the earthquake caused me to fall off the toilet. I thought it was just me, but then Kellee yelled from the other room "did we just have an earthquake?" and yes... we did. TWO earthquakes.

I went to go look at this apartment after that, but it was sooo scary, I couldn't even bring myself to knock on the door. I stood outside the door, with my arm raised to knock... but then I looked around and decided to leave. It was so dirty and creepy. I'd be afraid EVERY DAY there. However, after that and calling a bunch of places, I went to another place, which i LOVED. It's a 2 bed/ 1.5 bath PLUS LOFT!!! I walked in and went "WOW!!!!" because of the spiral staircase and high ceilings right in front of the door. It's more expensive than I would have hoped ($1200), but maybe I can find another roommate and I'll live in the loft. I filled out the application and brought the other one to Dustin, and am bringing them back tomorrow. I hope we get this place. It was great.

So, i decided I don't want to hate my life any more than I already do, and the only way to do that AND work a second job is to be an extra. Leona's gonna see if she can get me on the Suite Life taping for Monday. It SHOULD be ok, but you never know.

I got my official rejection letter from the YAGMCB audition today. Oh well.... I guess. I'm kind of used to being rejected now. I'm really beginning to think I'm bad at performing and no one has ever been honest with me.

Jim is going out of town this weekend on a prayer retreat and he NEVER TOLD ME. When he called at like 9pm tonight I was like "do you work at 7:30 tomorrow?" and he said "yeah, 7:30-1, then I'm leaving." "where are you going?" "the prayer retreat at lake arrowhead" "WHAT?????" I was pretty... pissed. He was all "i don't have to answer to YOU! I don't need to tell you my schedule." and I was like "uh, I'm not asking for your schedule but it would be nice to know you're leaving the city for a few days." Then he said he thought he did tell me. Of course he didn't tell me. He never tells me anything. I told him whenever he "thinks" he's told me something, he hasn't, because he never tells me anything at all, but ALWAYS says "Oh. I thought I told you." Seriously. I always have to find stuff out from his BLOG. And he doesn't even update all that often. Isn't that PATHETIC? He makes me so angry.

Anyway, then he apologized for being mean again, and then he bought me ice cream. But then he said if he ever died I couldn't have kitty, which doesn't even make sense, since I love the cat soooo much and would give him the best home ever.

Kellee and Leona are/were really sick the last couple of days and I'm so afraid I'm next. I just WAS sick, though. Hopefully I had it first because I do NOT want to be sick again.

Ok, bed time.

Ugh. I worked for 5 hours. For the first 2 hours not a single table came in. And then when people DID start coming in, we had so many servers on that I only had 2 tables before they cut me. I made $10 in 5 hours.

Our managers are all "We ask for your patience. You don't want to come back here in 6 months to eat and see a line out the door and think 'i USED to work there...'" And that's true. I have no doubt that business is going to pick up (September is the worst month for restaurants of the year, not to mention the fact that we just opened)... and I'm sure that in a couple of weeks we'll be making money.

But what are we supposed to do NOW?

Everyone is starting to freak out. NONE of us are making money... I'm just one of the lucky people who have a lease expiring at the end of the month and can't afford a deposit for a new apartment. I thought getting a job at a new, better restaurant would be... BETTER. And the tips HAVE been better... but since I stand around for HOURS without any tables, it doesn't matter. I have $450 in the bank, $50 in my wallet, my emergency cash... and that's it. I can probably make $100 on Saturday, HOPEFULLY someone give'll me their Friday shift... but then... ugh. UGH UGH UGH.

And Jim was all "get a second job" and I PLAN on it... but that still doesn't help me now. God, if only I would have known. I would have only cut waaaay back at the OG and not quit.

This sucks. I don't know what to do.

I didn't even WANT to talk to Jim about it, because he's never really nice when it comes to me, and things I'm "supposed" to be doing, but I did, because he made me, and then he was mean, just as I knew he would be, but it didn't help... and that guy needs to learn that he doesn't help. He just makes me feel bad. And I ALREADY feel bad, so he just makes it worse.

So, I get home from work and start calling the 2 bedroom places I've been eying on WSR... and my two favorites are already rented (why do they keep the listing up if they're not available?!?!) NOW I'm afraid even if by the grace of God I make some money in the next week, all the places in LA will have someone already living in them. I know that's really unrealistic... or IS IT??

And THEN Jim said I should stay in Leona's apartment for a couple of months... but I already have a roommate. And Dustin HAS to move, too. I can't just leave him high and dry.

BOO. I hate this.

A lot of "hahaha"ing going on

It RAINED yesterday. This wouldn't be news except for the fact that:
A. It hasn't rained since March (I don't actually remember the last time it rained... I THINK it was in March, though. Definitely not AFTER March.)
B. It's not really supposed to rain until November.

So, I woke up at like 6:30am... and I'm thinking "Oh my God, it's raining." I was cursing the fact that I was parked in my garage and not outside, so my car could get cleaned off (no money to wash car = really dirty car). I couldn't stop thinking about it, and the fear that I had that it would stop raining before I woke up caused me to get out of bed and drive around Studio City at 6:30am, just to get my car wet. Yeah, I could have just parked it outside... but I figured, since I was moving it anyway I might as well drive around.

So, that was fun. Then I went back to bed.

We have one last hope for a 4 bedroom apartment, if I don't hear anything today, I am going to apply for 2 bedrooms starting tomorrow.

So, yesterday at work, one of my tables was Jonathan and Victoria from last year's Amazing Race. He was the guy who pushed her. I hated them. I didn't hate them as a table, though. ALTHOUGH.... hahaha, nah. I won't say it. They were there to see this guy who works as a chef in the morning, Aaron... who was ALSO on the Amazing Race!!! Hahahaha. You can see him here as the guy whose name is "Aaron." Oh my gosh, how funny. I WORK with a reality show fake celebrity. Anyway, Jonathan and Victoria were pretty nice... in that LA sort of way. You'll know what I'm talking about if... you live here. But, it made my night. I also got to sing a couple of times last night, which was fun. It's less scary now.

Now I want to go on the Amazing Race more than ever... hahahaha. My life is ridiculous.

Today is my brother's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ROB!!!!

I'm at Jim's office in Pasadena. I stopped by for dinner since it was on my way back from Ontario. I can't believe I drive for hours just for a 5 minute audition.

Anyway, it went really well. It's kind of... weird... though. It's at Gardiner Whittier Spring Auditorium, which is this really great theatre.... but it's at a high school. I mean, granted, ok, the high school is humongous, but it's still kind of weird. They're casting all the lead roles from age-appropriate people... ie, they won't have like... a 17 year old playing belle or the beast. However, the high school kids are allowed to audition for the chorus. And when I got there I saw this huge crowd of kids standing outside. One of them (a GUY) yells "Ok, who's singing from "Wicked"? I'M singing from "Wicked"!" Then these two girls stopped me. "Are you auditioning!??!"
"Yeah."
"Who are you auditioning for??"
"I dunno... whoever."
"WOW! You should audition for Belle... Hey, do you want to sit with us and sing back and forth to eachother??"
"I don't really think I have... time... for that. Do you know if we're supposed to sign in or something?"
And then, luckily, some big red haired girl saved my life and directed me to where the "non-student" auditions were being held.

There was only one other girl there who looked presentable. She went first, but she picked a really bad song... and I went second. WHILE she was going though, this boy sat down next to me and started talking to me about... his life? God, I don't know. It was so surreal. I had just driven like 50 miles and there were all these high school kids... argh. So, anyway, I went in, sang "Meadowlark", sounded really good, and then they had me read. The read went well, they asked where I live... the music director lives there too ("You guys can car pool!!!" - The Director) and then they thanked me, I thanked music director because "Meadowlark" is NOT EASY to play, and then I left.

Jim thought this story sounds a little pathetic... and yeah, I guess it does. But you know what? If I get cast (and not cast in YAGMCB), I WILL be doing this show. The directors are from LA, I'd be playing a great role in a great show in a huge theatre... I don't care if the chorus is composed of all high school kids. You wouldn't know that from my resume... you'd just know the role.

I just want to be cast in SOMETHING. I don't care which show, just one of them!

Other than that, we have one option left for a four bedroom apartment... Erin checked it out today and loved it. If the security deposit is low enough, we're gonna probably go for it. If not, we're splitting back up to pairs, and I'll just have Dustin as a roommate. I already know where I want to apply if that happens. I just hope I have... money. Because money is not something I have right now. Dear MG, please start bringing me people who will tip me $20 per table. And let me have 40 tables before I have to pay rent. Thx. Love, Alisa.

OH MY GOD, THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE. THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!!!! HOW AM I GOING TO BE ABLE TO AFFORD TO MOVE!?!?!?!

Ok, ok, ok. Dear God, please provide this for me. Thx. Love, Alisa.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

So I'm going to this audition for Beauty and the Beast tomorrow in Ontario (California... not Canada... although it might as well be in Canada because it is SO FAR AWAY) and I started thinking about Disney princesses... and I mean, as much as I love Ariel, Belle is obviously the best princess. She's adventurous and strong and smart (everything that stupid Snow White is NOT)... and there's only one beef I have with the movie:

Why don't they ever give the beast a name? I mean, come on, he wasn't ALWAYS called "beast" (and if he was, I wonder if anyone of the servants were surprised at his transformation). He could have even been, like... Jerry. Jerry Beastwell. It just really bothers me that Belle ALWAYS refers to him as "Beast." WHAT ABOUT WHEN HE'S NORMAL AGAIN!?!!? WHAT THEN, DISNEY FOLKS!?!?!

My audition today for YAGMCB went really well. It took about half an hour each way (in no traffic :( ) to get to Azusa, but the people were very nice. According to the "callback sheet" they'll call within 3 days if I'm called back, and then those are next Monday. I reeeeeaaaaaaalllllllllllllllyyyyy hope I'm called back. They had me sing twice ("Schroeder" the second time) and after wards they clapped, and I laughed saying "Well, that's the best applause I've gotten all day.." and they said "That's the first applause WE'VE given..." So that's good. Hopefully.

God, I hope I get it. I hope I get it. How many kitties do they neeeeeeeeeed?

By the way, Azusa is weird. It looks like Arizona. I never think about the fact that I live in the "west" since I'm in a city.... but I do. And the "west" sucks.

East coast people NEVER like the west, though.

Oh man, I am so beat. Ok, let's see... Thursday I worked as a drink runner (which was completely unnecessary) and Friday I had off from work. I went to the OG to pick up my last check and talked to Paul for an hour or something, and said hi to all my fellas... you know, Pedro and Willy and Luciano... and Joe V. :) Willy said he has a present for me that's he's bringing to the MG on Wednesday night. I don't know what this could possibly be, especially because it's Willy. I love those guys. They're so cute. And we SO don't speak the same language at all.

After that I drove down the western part of Melrose and saw all the stuff I never saw before. Like the Rudy's on Melrose. And Urth Cafe.

THEN I went to Brandon's surprise party, which was fun. For a long time I was the only non-gay non-guy there... and finally Erin came to make me feel less out of place (and cuz everyone loves Brandon).

Ok, so then Jim and I got ice cream and brought Chloe over to Jim's to visit Simon. They played just like old times. Jim had, of course, never seen this since he was away during all their adorableness, but he could see why I wanted them to reunite so badly.

Today I worked starting at 3. They made me go on a break at 4, which was absolutely pointless. We got busy... around 6-6:30ish... my average tip was probably about $9 and I ended up walking with 75ish dollars, which is more than I would have made at the OG, so it's all good. It was kind of a stressful night at first (we're all so... new), but it got better. This one girl, who's name I won't name, has made herself the "unofficial singer." It was sooo annoying. It wouldn't be if she... you know... stayed on key while singing happy birthday... but she DOESN'T. She was much more concerned with singing as high as she possibly could and not letting any other singer sing. Ugh. I did get to sing for Erin (And oh my God, it was so scary. I was literally shaking---I have no clue why) but then I heard the annoying girl telling her table she was behind with their order because "I'm the only singer on tonight"---WTF!?!?! There were at LEAST 3 others... I don't like that girl. I don't like her AT ALL.

Ok, so THEN I went to Jenna's going away party (she's moving back to Chicago) at ToGo Joe's house (My former best california friend)... and I saw... jeez... everyone. Everyone I liked from the OG ever (almost) was there. And they were ALLLLLL drunk. Or high. I left first (I always do) since I work in the morning and am going to an audition at night. I couldn't keep screaming there.

And now... I am so tired. I need sleep . And I need the hiccups I have to go away because they are annoying.

Ohhhhhh, jeez. I just cried watching the new Harry Potter trailer. I can't wait to see this movie.

(look at the super scary glimpse of Voldemort near the end. I screamed. Really.)

I already know what I am going to be like while watching this movie. I think it'll be similar to what I was like during the 3rd LOTR movie...

Videos of the week (and more!)

Ok, seriously, guys.... you HAVE to watch these videos. (they are WORTH IT!!!!!!)

Trapped In The Closet (Chp. 1 Of 5) by R. Kelly
Trapped In The Closet (Chp. 2 Of 5) by R. Kelly
Trapped In The Closet (Chp. 3 Of 5) by R. Kelly
Trapped In The Closet (Chp. 4 Of 5) by R. Kelly
Trapped In The Closet (Chp. 5 Of 5) by R. Kelly


I'm sure a lot of you have seen this (thanks to the VMAs and... the fact that you're more "in the loop" with music than I am), but this collection of videos is the funniest thing I've seen in a LONG time. I laughed out loud (which isn't good since it's 2am and Kellee's asleep.) Beware, though... none of it is PG, but "chapter 4" is really not PG. But, OH MY GOD, it is soooo funny.

That R. Kelly is freakin hysterical. (PS - anyone know if that is really the end of the story?)

And, thanks to the advice of katie e, apparently my busted tees size is NOT a girls medium. I'll look into it more and let you know. ;)

Work tonight sucked since I was the breaker and we were busy. When you know you aren't getting any tips... it sucks to be busy. Anyway, so they triple sat me (on the SECOND DAY???) when I was breaking my second person, and it freaked me out. All the developers came running over to try to help me... it messed things up for the rest of the night.

It was also Matt's (the developer) birthday (and the last day they were here). I will miss him a lot. We all agreed he was the coolest guy there.

Ok... let's see... oh! I got a call from Josh Gordan today. He got "A Chorus Line" tour through Texas and Hawaii and he's moving to NYC soon. When I got this message I was so happy I almost cried. Josh is so ridiculously talented... I am SOOOOO glad he's finally getting out of Kent. WAY out of Kent. I heart Josh.

LOL... I love Busted tees (for future reference... MY favorites are the "second amendment" and "big mistake" ones...) :) (and my size is medium girls... hahahaha)

Chlo-dog (what a great name for a kitten) is sitting, and has been sitting, on my lap for like... an hour. And she's just so cute that I don't want to move her. Even though she stinks to high heaven. It's just so rare that she's not running around like a crazy person that you have to really cherish these moments.

I just got an email from Jamie Wilding (my former music theory teacher)... and let me tell you, it was the funniest thing that's ever happened to me. :) (ok, maybe not THE funniest, but it did make me laugh. especially because he actually said "perhaps you remember me. I tried to teach you theory once...")

Kellee has to get tested for cervical cancer. When she went home last month she had her "annual" exam and it came back abnormal. Please keep her in your prayers... it's probably nothing (apparently this happens a lot?) but still. I HOPE it's nothing. It BETTER be nothing! Or else!!

Hmmmm.... well, not too much has happened, apparently. As you probably heard (I have no clue why this was national news), the power went off in basically all of LA. I thought it was just my apartment complex. So... I read some and then took a nap. Later I found out it was everywhere. And, as you can imagine, the MG was none too pleased about the power going off in the middle of their opening day.

Yesterday Jim and I went to free food weekend at the MG. Matt was our developer (he's ALWAYS my developer) and it was a delicious. Later I went to Tribe, which was fine. I have problems with Tribe, though. It's hard to explain. I don't dislike anyone there... but I do hate the drumming... but that's not the problem. It's like I won't LET myself like Tribe. I think it's a mixture of not wanting to like it for the sake of Jim and also because he changed after he started going there. It's a bunch of mixed feelings. I'm so closed off, though.... I think, even if I COULD "feel it" there, I wouldn't let myself.

Today I worked at 3:30 (we didn't re-open after the power outage until 4pm), but sadly we were really slow. Probably a mix of the power thing and no one knowing we were open. And too many people working. I took 5 tables. I only got one BAD tip, but most of my checks weren't too high. I made more than I would have at the OG, though... I BETTER.

Before I left for work (and obviously after the power came back) I was looking on westside rentals for a place for the four of us... and I found a 3 bedroom, 2 bath PLUS BONUS ROOM house for $1700 in North Hollywood. I pay $1700 for a 2 bedroom NOW! I couldn't believe it. I REALLY hope we get this place because that would be amazing.

Lisa Loeb is playing the Kent Stage on October 13th.

I no longer live there.

damnit!

RAGE.

Take a look at these jerks.

God, I love them. Bono sounds... amazing. I wish that 18th century congressional congress jackets would come back into style... again.

Work was SLOW! Can you believe that? Free food (friends&family/VIP) and I only had two tables in 5 hours. Some people had only one and some had NONE. Of course, off those 2 tables, I made $24. Can you believe that? That's the most I've ever made in tips. Period.

Hahaha, that'd be so much more pathetic if it were true.

I was soooooo tired at work. So was Dustin. To keep myself entertained I kept saying "Betsy Rose! Betsy Rose!" because, apparently, it's the funniest thing I've ever heard.

Oooooh, guess who DID come to the MG today? This freaking loser. Hahahaha! Seriously! And he was there for HOURS. He wore this stupid hat and looked ridiculous. I was like "Ok, who invited Ryan Cabrera to this thing??" The better question is... why did he COME?

After work I talked to Jim for an HOUR and then came over to get dinner at Johnnie's... and in the two weeks I was away, I missed it terribly. Leona made me these cookies when Jim had broken up with me and I brought them over... and Jim tried to eat them all. I said "She baked me these cookies because YOU broke up with me." And he was all "Well, if I wouldn't have broken up with you for that day then you wouldn't have the cookies in the first place. So, it's BECAUSE OF ME that you have them." And I suppose he has a point... but no.

I just got back from an evening all over the town. Erin, Dustin and I went to see Ed in Urinetown. He did really well and the show was actually pretty decent. Everyone sounded great. As much as I wanted to hate the girl playing little sally, she DID look 12 or younger and she sounded really good. It was pretty easy to hate the girl playing becky two shoes, though... because she was REALLY BAD. I didn't like Bobby but Hope was good. The two of them are dating and I said "Bobby and Hope are dating which is weird because she's SO much better looking than him.. and HE'S obviously GAY." Caldwell was good, too...as was Penny. So it was pretty good. :)

After that, I went to see the Exorcism of Emily Rose. Now, as I hate scary movies, and since every time even the COMMERCIAL came on I covered my ears, closed my eyes and hummed to myself, you may wonder why I went. Well, everyone I was with was going, as were Joe and Kate and JD and Ryan.... and so I just... went. Even though when Erin originally asked if I wanted to go I said "NO WAY. I want nothing to do with that movie!!!!" JD, Ryan and Kristen (another OG girl) came and they were SOOOOOO drunk. Kristen and JD were making out... and JD is GAY!!! I was like "I thought Kristen...was a girl." Ryan was so drunk he poured a bottle of wine all over himself outside the theatre. THAT was pretty funny, though. They also started to smoke pot in the theatre which is when me, Joe and Dustin moved, soon to be followed by Kate, Brad, Erin and Jimmy C (when he returned from the bathroom). Ryan was saying when they were on their way to the theatre he and JD were chanting "Betsy Rose! Betsy Rose!" for a long time before they realized it was EMILY rose. Ryan also called her "Elizabeth Rose." Drunk people are funny.

Anyway, I freaked out during MOST of the movie... I guess it was a good thing I had my eyes closed half the time. I hated it. Thank God there are people like Joe around who will remind me that they are all actors.

So, when the movie got out, Ryan was nowhere to be found... who knows where he went. It's now almost 4am... which sucks because I have to be AT WORK in 5 hours. Whoops.

I'll leave you with this thought.... have any of you noticed how uncanny the resemblance between Ally Sheedy's haircut (circa Breakfast Club) and mine are?

I saw Superman, Spiderman and Batman walking towards Hollywood/Highland today.

All I could think was "There must be a REALLY BIG emergency for them to get togehter."

PS - Wendys is a good company. And they have the best chicken sandwhiches in all of fast food.

Sergio.... my being ok or not is NOT more important than me wishing you congratulations on the WEDDING. :)

But, yeah, I'm ok.

Yesterday was pretty good. Although I woke up way earlier than I had wanted to. Leona locked her keys in her car, with the engine on, so I had to bring the spare set to her. It wasn't a big deal, but I'm sure I didn't LOOK happy.

We also had our last day of MG training. It was SO NICE because right before I went in there, I saw JD, Joe and Kate sitting outside. Since I love all of them, it was just thrilling to see. JD was in the middle of a sentence and I was like "wait wait wait. I have to tell you guys something. My boyfriend broke up with me for a day but then we got back together." And they just sat there with their mouths open. And then I went to work. :)

For the last 3 days there, all we've been doing is spending an hour going over a few menu items and then role playing the restaurant. The role playing was good, the going over the menu is NOT. It was SO BORING. Yesterday Dutstin and I ended up using the MG crossword to find bad words and it ALWAYS ended up with at least one of us threatening to commit suicide if they wouldn't hurry up. It was torture. Some of our managers think they are SOOOOO funny, but they are so NOT funny. They have like... negative amounts of personality. The trainers are better... especially Robyn (who cried telling us she thought we'd be great) Judy (who EVERYONE loves) and Matt (who actually IS funny). I'll miss those 3 when they go back to where ever they came from. I'm pretty ready for the opening/VIP weekend... I keep wanting to call the wine the Signature House wine instead of the Honor System House wine... and yesterday when I was role playing I said "Have you guys ever been to the Olive..... Macaroni Grill before?" I just have to get the OG out of my head.

The computer is a little complicated, but yesterday I had no help with it and I was fine.

Oh, so yesterday I had one half of one hour (that's all they gave us every night) to finish 6 quizzes... one of my semi-completed ones they had THROWN OUT. I was FURIOUS. I took these things as fast as I could and then helped Dustin (since everyone helped ME, not to mention my out-right cheating and EVERYONE asking the trainers for the answers).

After that I went to visit Jimmy for a while, but not too long since it was late. I love him...and I think things are ALREADY starting to get better.. he's just more receptive or something. Maybe burning man DID do a little good (or maybe his mom talked sense into him ;) ).

Today Erin, Dustin and I are probably going to look for an apartment, but definitely going to see Urinetown. I'm excited to see Ed... and how crappy the people who aren't me are. :)

I don't know if I mentioned this, but I got the CD to Dirty Rotten Scoundrels and it is GREAT. I love the music and I think "Love is Your Legs" is one of the funniest, best-written songs in all of musical theatre.
"Love is my legs
And you are my love
So you are my
feet-bones of love."

HAHAHAHAHA.

(PS--- thanks everyone who helped me OR jimmy.

And jen, don't ever tell mom anything again)

Ok, ok ok. I know you were all hanging on the edge of your seats for an update. Sit back. It's ok.

Last night was horrible. I mean, imagine the worst thing ever, and then imagine me falling on the floor because I can't walk anymore. And then times it by... a million. And there you have the level of horrible last night was. I've never seen Jim so heartless. It was just business. It was an agenda... get the cat, break up with girlfriend, go home. He was in such a hurry, he wouldn't listen to me.... he didn't even try to do this tactfully, it was just MEAN. I hope I never see him like that again, because it was scary.

So, anyway, he leaves and I crawl to Kellee's room. When I stopped crying, I stopped... and haven't started again. We talked, she gave me a muscle relaxer, I eventually went to bed. (I got to talk to Alison, too, at 5:30 when she got my text message. All I was thinking was "God, I wish I had another muscle relaxer.")

Here was the problem, though... I didn't really get to SAY anything to Jim. He wouldn't have heard it if I did, anyway. I was using my angry defense and he was using his never-before-seen robot defense. I told Kellee how he said we shouldn't communicate for a while but how I still needed to say things to him. She said that was stupid and if he wouldn't even listen to me it was totally his loss.

So, I text messaged him. And eventually I got him to call me. And to my relief he said it WAS important enough to talk about in person.

And I wrote down a lot I needed to say and went to work (which was stupid) and then I went to his house to talk.

He immediately apologized for last night, which was a relief. We had a pretty normal conversation... I told him about stuff that happened while he was gone, let him read my 6 pages of stuff I needed to say... we got things worked out. I'm putting it this way: we're on the road to recovery.

I feel like a drama queen. But man, if you would have been there you would understand. It was HARSH.

Anyway, I ended up realizing that this isn't all Jim's fault (I know... WHAT?!?! ;) ), but that we are both really stuck in a rut. I'm doing NOTHING, I'm not living up to any of my potential... it was just a bad situation. I need to go to church, I need to sing, I need to try harder, I need to do something that will fulfill me, I need to take RISKS. You all know I like to pretend that I'm perfect... but I know I'm not.

So, we agreed to work. I mean, that's basically it. I didn't know going in to tonight if my getting to talk to him would do anything---I was prepared either way. I planned for the worst and hoped for the best. I was already thinking of what I was going to do with myself with all my free time. It was all pretty...boring (ie: work out... which would have ended badly because any time I would have heard a song by Coldplay I would have cried).

You can't have a relationship without effort by both parties. You can't make YOURSELF better if you're just festering and you're definitely not improving anyone else's life. We both have a lot to work on... and it's NOT going to be the same. But frankly, maybe that's good.

So, yeah, Jim said to forget yesterday ever happened. :)

help me

(The post that I was too upset to c&p over to this blog when I wrote it last night: "FUCK BURNING MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Just to clarify a LITTLE....)


This is going to be the worst day ever. Stupid Jim. I woke up at 8:30 and just laid in my bed so FURIOUS at him, at burning man, at his friends... pretty much anything he was near this last week was something I was furious at.

I don't want to even go into it now... because I feel like I already have so many times and SO many more are yet to come. I just feel so.... hopeless. And Mrs Gilmore, YOU will get the pleasure of knowing all the secrets when he calls you today. Lucky. *I* don't even know yet!

There is just this feeling of terror in my stomach...and it feels like heartburn and hunger. And it chokes me up and brings tears to my eyes. And if he breaks up with me... I mean, I REALLY don't know what I am going to do.

And not because I'll be "lost without him" or something like that... but because I'll have to make so many decisions so fast. I couldn't stay here... I'd just be yearning to get out. But it's not like I have enough money to move to NYC right now. And I CAN'T move back to Ohio (except to sell my car so I could move to New York). I wish I knew what was going to happen, I wish this would have happened before RIGHT NOW (I'm sure it's going to be really impressive being so psychotic during this week of training at the MG) and I wish the kitties could stay together because they are best friends.

Jim is just so stupid. So, soooo stupid.

Well...uhh.....

Not too much to say today. I stayed in my apartment all day, not even showering until... 6pm? Something like that. It was great. I did nothing. I did have to supervise the kitties, though...

(This is all they do, all day long)

This morning I found this great website, Quick Gifts where you pick the $ amount and can send a gift card to anyone and either they or you can pick the place (off of the places they offer). What a great idea... especially when there is SOMEONE (hint: me) with a birthday coming up in approximately 54 days. :)

So, yeah, relaxing after all the working and being sick this week was nice. I watched some Austin Powers 2 and mostly played on the computer, looking for apartments and stuff. I did talk to Brandon and Dix_huit a little. That was fun. Now I'm just sitting here, wondering if Jim is going to call me tonight since they MIGHT be leaving this evening instead of tomorrow. I hope they do. I miss him.

Sigh... either way, kitty is gonna have another stressful day tomorrow. :(

Oh jeez, that reminds me, I should really study my MG stuff. Ok, bye.

Oh my God. I have never had a more bittersweet day in my life.

But first... last night. I made $25 last night. That's right, be jealous. My tables were for parties of 5 or more and we were slow in the beginning.. and then the two parties of 5 or more I DID have tipped me $5 on 56 and $2 on $65 (a party of 7). They all made me run, too. When I was prebussing the party of 7 with Jose I was laughing about it and then said "I think I'm gonna cry" and I DID and I had to go down to the bar for a 15 minute time out. Through my tears Joe told me that in the pie of life the OG (and the MG) are less than 1%... which is true. But I was still pretty unhappy. Anyway... enough about last night. Now we can talk about how MISERABLE I am.

So, it was my last day at the OG today. After last night I thought it would be easier... but no. No way. I don't know if a lot of people can really understand what it's been like for me. I mean, I moved here with only Jim and my roommates--I knew NO ONE else (and I didn't even know my roommates that well when we first got here) in the whole state. I saw my co-workers more than anyone else. Anderson and Hugo were the first people who started to get to know me out here. Anderson was my first "California friend." I grew more attached to these people than I have been to any collective group of people EVER. I mean, there's always a few people I missed from jobs (Dix huit, matt, lauren, stephanie from penneys, kelly, katie...) but I have never been able to say I'd miss EVERY SINGLE PERSON. And how I managed to be lucky enough to have these people in my life, I'll never know. I don't think a year ago I'd have ever said that I'd grow so close to people I can barely speak with. But boy did I.

The first time I cried was saying goodbye to Ryan. He actually sounded sincere when he was talking to me, which was just too much. God, I swear he looked like he was going to cry, too.

I then cried saying goodbye to Joe when he left for the night because I'm just so close with him. Joe and I are so much like siblings that we LOOK alike. At least our hair does... but he is so great. I wish everyone could know him, because everyone's life would be better.

And then, of course, I cried when I left. I said goodbye to Petra, Pedro, Hugo, Willy, Angel, Leon, Ernesto, (busser) Hugo, Luciano, and Jenna just, like... sobbing. And I swear to God, you know what was playing on the radio while this is going on? Green Day's "Time of Your Life." I was like "WHY IS THIS SONG ON NOW?? Is the radio reading my mind????"

And then I cried all the way home, I cried trying to translate the spanish on the card people got for me, and I'm still really crying, but mostly I'm just thirsty now.

A bunch of people signed a card for me, Ashley made me one, and Anderson came in specially to give me a card/say goodbye. I'll definitely stay in touch with Anderson, though, because he's like a freaking saint. Calvin came in just to sit in my section and, believe it or not, my last table almost tipped me %20. AMAZING! (although when it's %20 of $30, you can see why we don't make much even on good tip days.)

So... it was just so hard. And surreal. Maybe it was because of the music. When I was saying goodbye to Ernesto (and let me just say, as much as I LOVE everyone else, I probably won't *miss* anyone more than him.) I was thinking of how unreal it all seemed. It's probably because I'm sick. I kind of felt like I was dreaming all day.

God, I HATE goodbyes! And to think, the first day there I wanted to quit. As Coldplay says, "The hardest part was letting go, not taking part."

So, yeah, this sucks. I'm glad I have a new job and can meet new people and (fingers crossed) make more money, but I will never forget everyone at the Westwood OG. They will always be my "California family."

Here's a couple adorable pictures mostly here to cheer ME up...



I love the kitties.

Well, I had my first REAL day of MG training. I was tired and it was a little hard for me to pay attention because of that (I was never good at... paying attention) but all in all it was good. I'm glad I already know so much about italian food and wine, otherwise I'd be scared.

I paid for parking today. Hooray! It's such a relief to not have to do that again for a whole month. And the fact that it's $30 compared to the (at LEAST) $100 I'd pay to park in Westwood is just... wonderful.

I work tonight and tomorrow is my last day at the OG. I'm sure I'll cry. I'm gonna miss people so much. Mostly back of the house people, since a lot of servers are leaving. Sigh.... especially Pedro.

I didn't really miss Jim until today. Probably because I have the cat and he keeps me entertained. It's definitely weird to not be able to talk to him at all. I wish he could contact me just so I know he's ok and that he's not cheating on me or anything. I told him if he did, I was keeping Simon.

I'm feeling a little better today. Yesterday was HORRIBLE. I was so achey and hot all day. I took a nap from like 3-4 and then went to work, took 2 tables and went home because it was just too hard. A couple of people at work are sick, though... and I get sick all the time, so I'm not surprised I was one of the first. Last night I laid in bed for 2 hours sooo uncomfortable and sniffly and just... sad... and then I got up and took one of Kellee's Nyquil so I could sleep. I wanted to stay away from Nyquil, because when I take it I have weird Nyquil dreams and get so loopy... but I HAD to. Anyway, the Nyquil didn't wear off until like... 1pm. And work was pretty funny. It made it less bad because I wasn't as "sick" but I was more crazy.

Leona told me about an agent open call which I am going to go to next week before MG training. I'm excited. She and Kellee both got called back, which is great, and I hope they get signed.

ALL the kitties do all day is play fight. That is all. When they are allowed out of the room, they go straight for the other one and just start attacking eachother. I worry about the kitten, since she is so small and Simon is so big, but they seem to be ok. It makes it easier for ME, too, since I don't have to play with Simon. I'm sure he misses wrestling with Jim so wrestling with Chloe will have to do. I feel like he's teaching her the tricks of the trade or something.